Something is wrong with me, and no it's not the average--cold, flu, broken bone, toothache--it's much more that that. I am that girl, the one who needs some one, a single soul to confide in. That one person that I can tell everything to and not have to worry constantly that they are going to spread their lips wide open and splurge to the whole world. I've had that in the past but it's becoming a faded light in the distance, and I have no replacement.
Most commonly confiding in that friend that you spend 90% of time with would work, but yea that doesn't seem to work for me anymore. Everyone around me seems to be so consumed with me.
- Is Casey home? Is Casey Happy? Where is Casey? What is Casey doing that for? Can Casey really do that? -
Focused on me. Why? I am focused on me. I am happy. I like where my life is going, for real. I like to be spontaneous.
I know that everyone cares, but I feel like I am being smothered. Seriously.
I can handle everything that life throws at me, I have proven it time and time again, so why at the age of 25 is everyone so consumed over me.
So I'm not completely off the radar, I know they care. Trust me I know this, but is there a such thing as caring too much?
Feeling like is is very dis-heartening. It makes me want to run away from all the nonsence, and fly free. I am a very independant person; always have been, always will be. I have evolved into the girl I always knew I could be!
So please release the pressure, It's driving me insane.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Dance..Dance...Dance
Yesterday the day came.
Hip Hop Dance classes started :)
It was Super fun and definitely excersize worthy! After much time away from motivating activites this excersize was definitely what I needed to realize that I still do have muscles in my body. Some of the people were a little sketchy, and are Very intersting to me because I am a dedicated People Watcher! There were people of all walks of life participating in this class, some made me laugh ALOT more than others!!
A well deserved work out is nothing unless you can feel the burn, Oh and i felt it! I still do! I think I am going to like this for the next 6 weeks, a different change in pace. Sweet.
Hip Hop Dance classes started :)
It was Super fun and definitely excersize worthy! After much time away from motivating activites this excersize was definitely what I needed to realize that I still do have muscles in my body. Some of the people were a little sketchy, and are Very intersting to me because I am a dedicated People Watcher! There were people of all walks of life participating in this class, some made me laugh ALOT more than others!!
A well deserved work out is nothing unless you can feel the burn, Oh and i felt it! I still do! I think I am going to like this for the next 6 weeks, a different change in pace. Sweet.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
DramaFree - ForReal?
I'm convinced that I have much more to say in certain circumstances...
1-When I'm pissed.
True Story. I love letting it all out for all of the blog world to read, I am a walking bitch-fest when pissed off and writing it down always seems to give me some comfort. Usually in these situations I find my self roaring with sick emotions that are just screaming to get out. Strangly, this hasn't happened in a while. I'm starting to get scared.
2-Gossip!!!
Love it. Can't help it. There just are somethings that I feel need to be shared, yea I'll admit most of the time I share it because I'm intentionally trying to hurt someone. Now you know. Im a bitch. I do this and I am proud, but don't worry as long as you lead a normal human existance you won't be mentioned, ever! Now for those who seem to beat the system; especially when it personally affects me and my life....this gossip is dedicated to you!
3-When something truly romantical happens :)
Ha. Joke, I am not ever gonna be cinderella, I just really long to be treated like her. I'd even go as far as to say that I would appreciate it for 48 hours. Then drop me off back in the real world, and I'd be just peachy.....and I would have something Amazzzzing to write about....
4-Excitement!!!
Boring is my life, back again...nothing interesting happens to me. I have my limits though, I'm not looking to get hit by a car in the Wal-Mart parking lot; or to choke on a cheeseburger from Wendy's. I definitly do NOT want any out of the ordinary excitement, just the fun kind. You know the kind that you create yourself. Oh wait, this is all my fault....damn
Fine Im going to create excitement.....be scared!
I'm mentally road blocked and it's been going on longer than I would like. I NEED to write to survive. I feel like a lost toddler in Target, screaming for my mother.
"Where the fuck are my ideas. AHhhhhhhh!!!"
Back to life. What kind of excitement will I create. Tune in tomorrow to see what interesting events I have created....I never know where I will take myself!
Events coming up....Hip Hop Dance class starts Tomorrow!!! Bring on the moves, bitches!
1-When I'm pissed.
True Story. I love letting it all out for all of the blog world to read, I am a walking bitch-fest when pissed off and writing it down always seems to give me some comfort. Usually in these situations I find my self roaring with sick emotions that are just screaming to get out. Strangly, this hasn't happened in a while. I'm starting to get scared.
2-Gossip!!!
Love it. Can't help it. There just are somethings that I feel need to be shared, yea I'll admit most of the time I share it because I'm intentionally trying to hurt someone. Now you know. Im a bitch. I do this and I am proud, but don't worry as long as you lead a normal human existance you won't be mentioned, ever! Now for those who seem to beat the system; especially when it personally affects me and my life....this gossip is dedicated to you!
3-When something truly romantical happens :)
Ha. Joke, I am not ever gonna be cinderella, I just really long to be treated like her. I'd even go as far as to say that I would appreciate it for 48 hours. Then drop me off back in the real world, and I'd be just peachy.....and I would have something Amazzzzing to write about....
4-Excitement!!!
Boring is my life, back again...nothing interesting happens to me. I have my limits though, I'm not looking to get hit by a car in the Wal-Mart parking lot; or to choke on a cheeseburger from Wendy's. I definitly do NOT want any out of the ordinary excitement, just the fun kind. You know the kind that you create yourself. Oh wait, this is all my fault....damn
Fine Im going to create excitement.....be scared!
I'm mentally road blocked and it's been going on longer than I would like. I NEED to write to survive. I feel like a lost toddler in Target, screaming for my mother.
"Where the fuck are my ideas. AHhhhhhhh!!!"
Back to life. What kind of excitement will I create. Tune in tomorrow to see what interesting events I have created....I never know where I will take myself!
Events coming up....Hip Hop Dance class starts Tomorrow!!! Bring on the moves, bitches!
Friday, January 23, 2009
PrimeTime Tv...Rocks my socks!
Never really got into to many shows until the recent break-up, more time on my hands to let my addictive personality do what it does best. Get addicted!!
I am most certainly and over whelmingly addicted to Grey's Anatomy.
Love the people, love the episodes.
Most of all I love the things that I feel when I watch it. I barely get through a single episode without sheding a tear.
Sometimes life works in mysterious ways, and people start to doubt that there is a higher power that will help pull us through it all. This thursdays episode was just amazing....I could watch and re-watch it until I had no tears left to drop.
Moments in life are precious, I never want to take another one for granted. I love life and all the lessons that I'm learning along the way. To see Meredith cry made me realize that no matter what shell we have protecting us on the outside, there is never far to go in order to break it open and see us; Humans at our weakest point....That time when we realize that we are not immortal, we have feelings, and we hurt just like the next person. Showing real emotion is true.
I just wonder.
Is Izzy really sick? I love her...
I am most certainly and over whelmingly addicted to Grey's Anatomy.
Love the people, love the episodes.
Most of all I love the things that I feel when I watch it. I barely get through a single episode without sheding a tear.
Sometimes life works in mysterious ways, and people start to doubt that there is a higher power that will help pull us through it all. This thursdays episode was just amazing....I could watch and re-watch it until I had no tears left to drop.
Moments in life are precious, I never want to take another one for granted. I love life and all the lessons that I'm learning along the way. To see Meredith cry made me realize that no matter what shell we have protecting us on the outside, there is never far to go in order to break it open and see us; Humans at our weakest point....That time when we realize that we are not immortal, we have feelings, and we hurt just like the next person. Showing real emotion is true.
I just wonder.
Is Izzy really sick? I love her...
I've been slacking in the blog department.
No excuses, seriously...I have none.
Well except the fact that I can't think of anything even worth writing. The abnormal is starting to evolve into the normal, and its perplexing.
Well, decided to chop my hair off again. So much for trying the grow it out, I get impatient...very easily. When I want change, I want it now!
I've been surfing the net alot lately, browsing the college for the most part.
I have come to one positive conclusion, and the others are still up for debate. Once I get in, I am GOING....for sure, no turning back. That excites me!!!
On the other hand, dorms or no dorms......That is the reoccuring question.
I have kinda started this imaginary list in my head of pros and cons.
The whole point of doing this whole lifestyle change is to meet new people, socalize and finish school the right way. So here's what I have come up with in the case of living in the dorms!
Pro's
1) I would have a roommate, thus meeting 1 new person right away!
2) I would be more apt to being involved in school stuff, something I have wanted to do.
3) There is no 3....this is sad. ;(
Con's
1) Roommate could be an issue. Im compulsive. Enough said.
2) Size. Big one, my room now is the size of a dorm, and I ALONE freak out.
3) Size, yet again....where will my besties from home sleep during visiting times?
4)It would be much more fun off campus with the whole drinking thing.
5) In addition to the drinking thing, what if my roommate is under 21, yuck.
6)Shared bathrooms, yuck to the 1672628 degree! Seriously now, Its like a phobia..or somethin
7) Looks like it will be more expensive to stay in the tiny room.
I swear I am some kind of extraterrestrial, all I think about is this. Over and over, and over again! I have been obsessed with it all since applying.
I just realized how much I like lists, many more to come!
Maybe I have ADD.
No excuses, seriously...I have none.
Well except the fact that I can't think of anything even worth writing. The abnormal is starting to evolve into the normal, and its perplexing.
Well, decided to chop my hair off again. So much for trying the grow it out, I get impatient...very easily. When I want change, I want it now!
I've been surfing the net alot lately, browsing the college for the most part.
I have come to one positive conclusion, and the others are still up for debate. Once I get in, I am GOING....for sure, no turning back. That excites me!!!
On the other hand, dorms or no dorms......That is the reoccuring question.
I have kinda started this imaginary list in my head of pros and cons.
The whole point of doing this whole lifestyle change is to meet new people, socalize and finish school the right way. So here's what I have come up with in the case of living in the dorms!
Pro's
1) I would have a roommate, thus meeting 1 new person right away!
2) I would be more apt to being involved in school stuff, something I have wanted to do.
3) There is no 3....this is sad. ;(
Con's
1) Roommate could be an issue. Im compulsive. Enough said.
2) Size. Big one, my room now is the size of a dorm, and I ALONE freak out.
3) Size, yet again....where will my besties from home sleep during visiting times?
4)It would be much more fun off campus with the whole drinking thing.
5) In addition to the drinking thing, what if my roommate is under 21, yuck.
6)Shared bathrooms, yuck to the 1672628 degree! Seriously now, Its like a phobia..or somethin
7) Looks like it will be more expensive to stay in the tiny room.
I swear I am some kind of extraterrestrial, all I think about is this. Over and over, and over again! I have been obsessed with it all since applying.
I just realized how much I like lists, many more to come!
Maybe I have ADD.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
WetLanding.
With the way that the world seems to be flooding itself with hate and immorality its nice to see the latter--
Chesley Sullenberger made an emergency landing look like he was graciously attempting to make a pirouette on the Hudson River. With his experiance he saved lives today and that is something we should remember.
However the good things never seem to stick around in our minds, Mr. Sullenberger will have his 30 minutes in fame, and before we get to 15 minutes he's already been forgotten about by more than 1/3 of the nation. But half of that 1/3 never ever hears about this heroic attempt anyways. If it would have been what almost all American's dreaded (a glimpse of what was.....almost 8 years ago.) 8 years later we would still remember.
Here's my shout out to you Mr. Sullenberger, although most won't hear it.
Thank you for being who you are, you are a life saver now and forever in my eyes. It's good people like you who deserve to be bombarded with greatness ;)
DramaQueen Interview
Other than writing, my other favorite passion is reading but not reading the average book! I find it more interesting to read about everyone else.....Through that passion I have found some amazing bloggers - The High-Heel Diaries - that I read religiously. So I took part in her interview, so take part in mine!
1.) What is your most favorite blog post that you've written? Why is this your favorite? (provide a link to the post)
This link below is to my most Favorite blog. I would deem it as my fav because it is all about guys, and a few days ago I realized that without guys I'd be a basket-case! It must be my boy crazy days taking over in my twenties. Anyways--it's also a (I hope he reads this) type of blog.....lol Im too scared to tell him myself how I really feel so I hoped he'd read it and understand.
http://justcasey-somethingelse.blogspot.com/2009/01/cue-sad-sappy-music-i-need-it.html
2.) If you could be any age again, what age would you be? Why?
Ohhhh! I would most def be 22 again! 21 was too young and too immature, I feel like I matured enough by 22 and realized that I am making the rest of my life. I would do things ALOT differently if I got to do it again. I wouldn't have let him break my heart, I would have jumped off the moving train for something that caught my eye!
3.) What is your biggest pet-peeve?
Biggest and most annoying -- hypocrites!!! I hate people who trash talk one thing and then the next week they are engaging in that same crappy situtation....I don't get it. Never will.
4.) If you had a choice to be best friends with LC from the Hills or Blair from Gossip Girl, who would you choose?
Ahhh, Seriously I have to choose?? Ok, wait....fine Blair. Just minus the whole Chuck thing because he totally grosses me out something awful!
5.) Tell one thing you've learned about men that you feel every woman should know.
To put it bluntly I think men are and will always be child-ish. Don't try to change them, it makes it worse!
Okay, so if you want to be interviewed, just follow the instructions below. Be sure to include your e-mail address though. I'm not psychic.
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions. (How exciting!!)
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
1.) What is your most favorite blog post that you've written? Why is this your favorite? (provide a link to the post)
This link below is to my most Favorite blog. I would deem it as my fav because it is all about guys, and a few days ago I realized that without guys I'd be a basket-case! It must be my boy crazy days taking over in my twenties. Anyways--it's also a (I hope he reads this) type of blog.....lol Im too scared to tell him myself how I really feel so I hoped he'd read it and understand.
http://justcasey-somethingelse.blogspot.com/2009/01/cue-sad-sappy-music-i-need-it.html
2.) If you could be any age again, what age would you be? Why?
Ohhhh! I would most def be 22 again! 21 was too young and too immature, I feel like I matured enough by 22 and realized that I am making the rest of my life. I would do things ALOT differently if I got to do it again. I wouldn't have let him break my heart, I would have jumped off the moving train for something that caught my eye!
3.) What is your biggest pet-peeve?
Biggest and most annoying -- hypocrites!!! I hate people who trash talk one thing and then the next week they are engaging in that same crappy situtation....I don't get it. Never will.
4.) If you had a choice to be best friends with LC from the Hills or Blair from Gossip Girl, who would you choose?
Ahhh, Seriously I have to choose?? Ok, wait....fine Blair. Just minus the whole Chuck thing because he totally grosses me out something awful!
5.) Tell one thing you've learned about men that you feel every woman should know.
To put it bluntly I think men are and will always be child-ish. Don't try to change them, it makes it worse!
Okay, so if you want to be interviewed, just follow the instructions below. Be sure to include your e-mail address though. I'm not psychic.
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions. (How exciting!!)
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Im blushing.....
Seriously guys an award for me? This is a new guilty pleasure for me and on top of it people actually like me enough to keep coming back to read about my crazy tails of adventure and my woes of love. Flattering, Thanks!!
So..With that said I'm finally passing on my lemonade award as the rules specify. Here are ten wonderful and individually cool blogs that I enjoy and have become a part of my everyday reads. Please take the time to visit.
So..With that said I'm finally passing on my lemonade award as the rules specify. Here are ten wonderful and individually cool blogs that I enjoy and have become a part of my everyday reads. Please take the time to visit.
1. Right back at you nominee!! http://lovehappinessmadness.blogspot.com/
10. Drama Queen
ONCE YOU'VE BEEN AWARDED, THE RULES ARE:
1. Thank the person who was so thoughtful for giving you this award by linking their blog to this post.
2. Put the logo on your blog or post.
3. Nominate 10 blogs which show great attitude/gratitude.
4. Link your nominee to your post.
5. Comment them to tell them about the award they've won.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Expect the unexpected
Ever since last November (my 1 and only visit to Western Illinois University ) I have been playing around with the idea to further my education past just the plain old associates degree. At first it was a slam-dunk idea, and then I started to question myself.
Could I handle being hours away from my family/friends?
Could I live with random twenty-somethings in a college town?
Would I live alone?
How often would people visit?
Is this the right thing to do at the age of 25?
Will I survive?
The last one is by far the most important to me because I am not a quitter. Once I start something I feel the need to follow it through until the end. Everyone knows this about me, but I am legitiamly afraid that I would throw in the towel the first week I feel alone. Basically, I don't handle the alone thing well at all, so it would be rough.
Am I ready for a new journey in life or should I just be happy that I was the only child that will be able to say I graduated from college, even if its just from the dinky community college?
This has been on my mind non-stop, so I made a decision.
Apply!
We will see if I get accepted and if I do I will decide then if it is really what I want to do.
If seems like fun, but I am a hard one to please.
Could I handle being hours away from my family/friends?
Could I live with random twenty-somethings in a college town?
Would I live alone?
How often would people visit?
Is this the right thing to do at the age of 25?
Will I survive?
The last one is by far the most important to me because I am not a quitter. Once I start something I feel the need to follow it through until the end. Everyone knows this about me, but I am legitiamly afraid that I would throw in the towel the first week I feel alone. Basically, I don't handle the alone thing well at all, so it would be rough.
Am I ready for a new journey in life or should I just be happy that I was the only child that will be able to say I graduated from college, even if its just from the dinky community college?
This has been on my mind non-stop, so I made a decision.
Apply!
We will see if I get accepted and if I do I will decide then if it is really what I want to do.
If seems like fun, but I am a hard one to please.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Incidents without Inflation
That's correct my entire day was ruined. Scratch that, most of the day, but I can deal. By who, I don't even fucking know...but If I did they wouldn't dare come near me because technically I'm still steaming mad!! Bad news yesterday, ok fine just sad news; but I still managed to wake up in a semi-decent mood. Agreed to bundle up and tackle the terrible task of shoveling the snow that decided to land on the driveway.
Fine.
2 pairs of socks - Check!!
2 pairs of pants - Check!!
3 shirts - Check!!!
Gloves, scarf, mittens - Check!!!
Coat - Check!
Boots - Check!
I was ready. More prepared for a thundersnow than the mear 4 inches that had accumulated but, eh fuck it.
Things were going swimmingly, as I slowly moved the vehicles out of my way. Thanks to my wonderful father, he helped ;)
Then the unthinkable happened. He couldn't move my car out of the driveway! I was so pissed, standing there waiting. waiting. waiting for him to move outta my way.
I wait some more, then glance toward the untractionable tires...both the driver side tires were FLAT. I mean as flat as pancakes that your blind grandmother burnt. I mosy on over to the opposite side, WTF? Those two are in just the same condition. It can't be moved. I'm seriously freaking out.
Who the hell would mess with me, by birth I'm a Gemini.....not someone that you want to mess with, For Real. Especially not this gemini!
Slashed, I don't think so.
Ah, I'll try to fill them up as a sort of test. The squeaky rusty bicycle pump just isn't cutting it, but after 20 minutes I asses the situation and it seems to be working. No way am I going to carry on with the SRBP, forget it. Find me a compressor to do the work for me.
Found one. Fix the inflation problem 3 hours later.
Word to the wise.
Leave me alone.
and I think I have an idea who did it. If you did screw yourself. Remember just like bros, us hoes stick together too. She was always my friend, you were his. You flirt with me, I will tell....I'm not That Girl, not in this situation you punk ass. Don't lie or try to mess with me because you are a dumb ass man who can't seem think with the correct head. Your fault 115%..Not mine.
Fine.
2 pairs of socks - Check!!
2 pairs of pants - Check!!
3 shirts - Check!!!
Gloves, scarf, mittens - Check!!!
Coat - Check!
Boots - Check!
I was ready. More prepared for a thundersnow than the mear 4 inches that had accumulated but, eh fuck it.
Things were going swimmingly, as I slowly moved the vehicles out of my way. Thanks to my wonderful father, he helped ;)
Then the unthinkable happened. He couldn't move my car out of the driveway! I was so pissed, standing there waiting. waiting. waiting for him to move outta my way.
I wait some more, then glance toward the untractionable tires...both the driver side tires were FLAT. I mean as flat as pancakes that your blind grandmother burnt. I mosy on over to the opposite side, WTF? Those two are in just the same condition. It can't be moved. I'm seriously freaking out.
Who the hell would mess with me, by birth I'm a Gemini.....not someone that you want to mess with, For Real. Especially not this gemini!
Slashed, I don't think so.
Ah, I'll try to fill them up as a sort of test. The squeaky rusty bicycle pump just isn't cutting it, but after 20 minutes I asses the situation and it seems to be working. No way am I going to carry on with the SRBP, forget it. Find me a compressor to do the work for me.
Found one. Fix the inflation problem 3 hours later.
Word to the wise.
Leave me alone.
and I think I have an idea who did it. If you did screw yourself. Remember just like bros, us hoes stick together too. She was always my friend, you were his. You flirt with me, I will tell....I'm not That Girl, not in this situation you punk ass. Don't lie or try to mess with me because you are a dumb ass man who can't seem think with the correct head. Your fault 115%..Not mine.
Friday, January 9, 2009
What protects my heart?
Cue the sad sappy music, I need it.
So since the end of my 9 year relationship, I've been working hard on moving on and moving up. Can't say that 6 months has brought me any luck though, some sad news came about today.
So there have been a few, ok only 2 guys that have caught my interest in the past 6 months. This girl is definitely guilty of being roped in by emotions and that first encounter. First guy kinda stomped on my heart, yet in the long run he's a really GREAT guy and any girl would be lucky to have him. He was the first, he stole my heart! After only being single for 25 days, I made my first attempt to go out, mingle and meet new people. Great idea, because some really great friends have come from that choice I made.
I met him, seriously the first time I met him I swear I didn't say more than 'Oh hi'....I wasn't in the friendly mood, I felt forced.
Soon after that I became more aquaint with the bars and the people I was seeing, and I ran into him again. He caught my eye this time, and we talked. Such a sweetie. If anyone knows me, I am a sucker for these guys.....
As the night went on we got closer and eventually got the nerve to swap numbers. Not like our mutual friends couldn't have done it for us, but it was like a HUGE step for me. I, Casey, actually gave my legitimate number out to a guy. Floored, I still am!!!
We talked, hung out, confessed that we like each other.......then things got wierd. He still to this day is convinced that I want a relationship, but in all reality I was looking to get to know him better.
I have been known to be the clingy type, well who couldnt see that.....For real I was in a 9 year relationship!!!
So we're friends, so I think.
Then came him. Oh I have had a thing for him since the day I met him, but I was in a relationship.......
We ran into each other and I was convinced he would have no fucking clue who I was. After all that's how it always was, no one remembered me, just my friends.
So I decided to be bold (Not me at all!!) and I went up to him.
I said "Oh I remember you! Do you remember me?" totally expecting to have to go through this long ordeal about how I met him, where when and how..
T says "Yea, you came to my house with you're friend right?"
I was GLOWING! He remembered who I was from like 3 years ago.
We exchanged numbers.
I blew him off a few times, not because there was anything wrong with him, I just freaked out. My biggest fear now lied in the hands of my own friends. I did NOT want to go out with a guy alone, especially for the first time. (If I could take anything back it would be this, I wish I wouldnt have done that, and grew some balls and maybe now he would actually know how I feel about him)
Eventually me and T hang out, actually on Sweetest Day! Ironic, Yes! He was a complete gentleman and I hung out with him and a few friends. I was Completly comfortable and happy. OMG, did I just say that I was happy?
We talk, and I guess I kinda got to know him. He sent me this really cute picture of him and his daughter a few weeks ago and I was kinda weary. Why was he sending this to me? Kinda threw me for a loop, and then we kinda got distant. He got sick, and then like clockwork so did I.....
Not from him either....
So today after not talking to him for a few days, and not seeing him since the day I returned from Vegas....Um December 15th!......I decided to shoot him a text while he was at work.
Through some texting I find out that he quit his job today. Not what I wanted to hear, because deep down I knew what that meant.
You see a few weeks back we talked about his new prospect of a job he applied to. If he were to get accepted he would be moving.....See where my sadness comes in?
So I tried hard to pretend I didnt assume that he had gotten the job, I played it off saying 'Seriously?" and when he replied "Yeah", I knew what I had to say next.
"So you got the job huh?" and naturally he said "Yes!"
Don't get me wrong I am Super excited for him. I told him a few weeks, or a month or so ago...
"If you get the job I will be happy for you but if you don't I'll be happy that you stay here in Illinois with me!"
So I am happy, just sad too. Just meeting him one random night at a bar, I thought maybe for a few weeks that it meant something. Maybe it still does.
He's a good guy. He never wanted to hurt me, but I'm pretty sure he will never forget me!
Here's to you "T" ~ CONGRATS from the heart, you deserve it! ~Xoxo Casey
So since the end of my 9 year relationship, I've been working hard on moving on and moving up. Can't say that 6 months has brought me any luck though, some sad news came about today.
So there have been a few, ok only 2 guys that have caught my interest in the past 6 months. This girl is definitely guilty of being roped in by emotions and that first encounter. First guy kinda stomped on my heart, yet in the long run he's a really GREAT guy and any girl would be lucky to have him. He was the first, he stole my heart! After only being single for 25 days, I made my first attempt to go out, mingle and meet new people. Great idea, because some really great friends have come from that choice I made.
I met him, seriously the first time I met him I swear I didn't say more than 'Oh hi'....I wasn't in the friendly mood, I felt forced.
Soon after that I became more aquaint with the bars and the people I was seeing, and I ran into him again. He caught my eye this time, and we talked. Such a sweetie. If anyone knows me, I am a sucker for these guys.....
As the night went on we got closer and eventually got the nerve to swap numbers. Not like our mutual friends couldn't have done it for us, but it was like a HUGE step for me. I, Casey, actually gave my legitimate number out to a guy. Floored, I still am!!!
We talked, hung out, confessed that we like each other.......then things got wierd. He still to this day is convinced that I want a relationship, but in all reality I was looking to get to know him better.
I have been known to be the clingy type, well who couldnt see that.....For real I was in a 9 year relationship!!!
So we're friends, so I think.
Then came him. Oh I have had a thing for him since the day I met him, but I was in a relationship.......
We ran into each other and I was convinced he would have no fucking clue who I was. After all that's how it always was, no one remembered me, just my friends.
So I decided to be bold (Not me at all!!) and I went up to him.
I said "Oh I remember you! Do you remember me?" totally expecting to have to go through this long ordeal about how I met him, where when and how..
T says "Yea, you came to my house with you're friend right?"
I was GLOWING! He remembered who I was from like 3 years ago.
We exchanged numbers.
I blew him off a few times, not because there was anything wrong with him, I just freaked out. My biggest fear now lied in the hands of my own friends. I did NOT want to go out with a guy alone, especially for the first time. (If I could take anything back it would be this, I wish I wouldnt have done that, and grew some balls and maybe now he would actually know how I feel about him)
Eventually me and T hang out, actually on Sweetest Day! Ironic, Yes! He was a complete gentleman and I hung out with him and a few friends. I was Completly comfortable and happy. OMG, did I just say that I was happy?
We talk, and I guess I kinda got to know him. He sent me this really cute picture of him and his daughter a few weeks ago and I was kinda weary. Why was he sending this to me? Kinda threw me for a loop, and then we kinda got distant. He got sick, and then like clockwork so did I.....
Not from him either....
So today after not talking to him for a few days, and not seeing him since the day I returned from Vegas....Um December 15th!......I decided to shoot him a text while he was at work.
Through some texting I find out that he quit his job today. Not what I wanted to hear, because deep down I knew what that meant.
You see a few weeks back we talked about his new prospect of a job he applied to. If he were to get accepted he would be moving.....See where my sadness comes in?
So I tried hard to pretend I didnt assume that he had gotten the job, I played it off saying 'Seriously?" and when he replied "Yeah", I knew what I had to say next.
"So you got the job huh?" and naturally he said "Yes!"
Don't get me wrong I am Super excited for him. I told him a few weeks, or a month or so ago...
"If you get the job I will be happy for you but if you don't I'll be happy that you stay here in Illinois with me!"
So I am happy, just sad too. Just meeting him one random night at a bar, I thought maybe for a few weeks that it meant something. Maybe it still does.
He's a good guy. He never wanted to hurt me, but I'm pretty sure he will never forget me!
Here's to you "T" ~ CONGRATS from the heart, you deserve it! ~Xoxo Casey
You need a life - Oh Make it a Venti
Some people just rattle my cage to the core. It disgusts me everyday - watching those peering eyes stare me down like they are undressing my mind. The constant words of overwhelming concern, or the look of disapproval makes me ill. That shadow-y figure creeping up behind me, I quickly glance back....it's gone, so tricky. You can't fool me I know you're there, I'll catch you just wait and fucking see.
So how many of them are out there, millions upon millions upon zillions! I'm quite sure they don't lead the perfect 'Brady' life so why dollop in mine. There are two things that I am well aware of by now, and I don't need someone to tell it to me. As a matter of fact I'll tell it to you....I'm not crazy I just want happiness to rain down on me.
1)I am NOT perfect, I make mistakes; sometimes I have bad judgement; sometimes I fall for the wrong guys; sometimes I regret the words that come out of my mouth; and even sometimes I feel like a failure. As I see it, if I didn't make the mistakes or the bad decisions where would I be, I'd be fucking clueless about life that's for goddamn sure. I'd be some sort of sheltered home body that thinks that everything out there is perfect and peachy. So that's okay with me, not being perfect and all, because it makes me who I am - not some clone trying to be someone else.
2)I am PERFECTLY happy just the way I am. So what if I want FWB, is it any of your business to tell me I can't. I just got out of a 9 year fucking relationship - yea I'm only 25- so since 16 I've been with one guy (don't get me wrong it was amazing while it lasted...) so is it too much for a girl to just want to have some fun? Bullshit stories and pretending that you care is too much for me, I wanted to be your friend not your over protected daughter. I also know that the one that I want has made it perfectly clear that he hates relationships, fine by me - you really think I'm head over heels ready for a relationship- Relationships take work, and I cannot fathom the idea of work right now, the less effort I have to put in the better it is for me. After all this is all about me, isn't it?
So to all you know-it-all's:
Take 2, no no no, Take 4 steps back and take a peek at the unnecessary drama that you are causing. Trust me I see both sides, I understand that people can care about me the way I care about myself. I just don't want the opinions flying around me like a tattered kite. Trust me if I'm in trouble, I'll ask for advice!!
Keep your mouths laced-your ideas grounded-and most of all your looks of disapproval to your self.
Friends are not poison, so why do I feel an uneasy sickness around you....are you the one who is slowly trying to kill me? Don't ruin a perfectly good thing with your ideas, friends don't let friends conspire against one another.
I do what I want!
So how many of them are out there, millions upon millions upon zillions! I'm quite sure they don't lead the perfect 'Brady' life so why dollop in mine. There are two things that I am well aware of by now, and I don't need someone to tell it to me. As a matter of fact I'll tell it to you....I'm not crazy I just want happiness to rain down on me.
1)I am NOT perfect, I make mistakes; sometimes I have bad judgement; sometimes I fall for the wrong guys; sometimes I regret the words that come out of my mouth; and even sometimes I feel like a failure. As I see it, if I didn't make the mistakes or the bad decisions where would I be, I'd be fucking clueless about life that's for goddamn sure. I'd be some sort of sheltered home body that thinks that everything out there is perfect and peachy. So that's okay with me, not being perfect and all, because it makes me who I am - not some clone trying to be someone else.
2)I am PERFECTLY happy just the way I am. So what if I want FWB, is it any of your business to tell me I can't. I just got out of a 9 year fucking relationship - yea I'm only 25- so since 16 I've been with one guy (don't get me wrong it was amazing while it lasted...) so is it too much for a girl to just want to have some fun? Bullshit stories and pretending that you care is too much for me, I wanted to be your friend not your over protected daughter. I also know that the one that I want has made it perfectly clear that he hates relationships, fine by me - you really think I'm head over heels ready for a relationship- Relationships take work, and I cannot fathom the idea of work right now, the less effort I have to put in the better it is for me. After all this is all about me, isn't it?
So to all you know-it-all's:
Take 2, no no no, Take 4 steps back and take a peek at the unnecessary drama that you are causing. Trust me I see both sides, I understand that people can care about me the way I care about myself. I just don't want the opinions flying around me like a tattered kite. Trust me if I'm in trouble, I'll ask for advice!!
Keep your mouths laced-your ideas grounded-and most of all your looks of disapproval to your self.
Friends are not poison, so why do I feel an uneasy sickness around you....are you the one who is slowly trying to kill me? Don't ruin a perfectly good thing with your ideas, friends don't let friends conspire against one another.
I do what I want!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
MyLife-YourEntertainment
Horoscopes are tricky mind games to me. For the most part I try to sneak a peak at mine at least once a week. Anymore than that and I start to over analyze every single aspect of my life. Not good. At All.
Don't get me wrong I'm not Really a true believer, sometimes these seem just as fake as my 'Oh so perfect' Coach purse. I read on. Curious, yup that's me!!!
Today's horoscope blew me out of the water and spoke to me, how true it is!
Now you, Go ahead Read on:
Your emotions blow one way and then another, like the winds on a spring day. Although it can be fun to fly your thoughts as if they were kites, you never know when a sudden shift will cause a great idea to come crashing down to the ground. Enjoy the variety of possibilities that pop into consciousness, but don't tie your survival to any single direction until you have more time to think.
Oh gosh, yes it is correct! My emotions are just as wishy washy as my mom everynight of the week. Heck yes, this time it's speaking directly to me as a Gemini (and I do have an evil twin....). Rather perplexing to other people but I love my random swing of emotion, its bliss! The end is the scary part...How can I have so much enjoyment from my blossoming emotions yet try to highlight one that will come crashing down on me. That just can't be, I need direction. I need to know how everything is going to work out.
That's when it hit me. (ha..That's what she said!)
I am a complex emotionally unstable control freak.
If it's not in my power to change or fix, I'm throwing a down on the ground child-like fit. I feel fine, so why fix what's not broken.
Screw you Horoscope.
I do what I want!
Don't get me wrong I'm not Really a true believer, sometimes these seem just as fake as my 'Oh so perfect' Coach purse. I read on. Curious, yup that's me!!!
Today's horoscope blew me out of the water and spoke to me, how true it is!
Now you, Go ahead Read on:
Your emotions blow one way and then another, like the winds on a spring day. Although it can be fun to fly your thoughts as if they were kites, you never know when a sudden shift will cause a great idea to come crashing down to the ground. Enjoy the variety of possibilities that pop into consciousness, but don't tie your survival to any single direction until you have more time to think.
Oh gosh, yes it is correct! My emotions are just as wishy washy as my mom everynight of the week. Heck yes, this time it's speaking directly to me as a Gemini (and I do have an evil twin....). Rather perplexing to other people but I love my random swing of emotion, its bliss! The end is the scary part...How can I have so much enjoyment from my blossoming emotions yet try to highlight one that will come crashing down on me. That just can't be, I need direction. I need to know how everything is going to work out.
That's when it hit me. (ha..That's what she said!)
I am a complex emotionally unstable control freak.
If it's not in my power to change or fix, I'm throwing a down on the ground child-like fit. I feel fine, so why fix what's not broken.
Screw you Horoscope.
I do what I want!
From a fellow blogger....
I am seriously consciously awake, but can't seem to log off the computer, I need serious help....Until then Answer me these questions.
Feel free to post them on your own blog with personal answers, I'll read them!!
1. Why do you keep a blog? To keep occupied is the number 1 reason!! Next, tho, seriously I need somewhere to be able to talk about the things happening to me. Partly so I know that they are real, and the other part so someone agrees with me. Legality is half the battle.
2. Who is one long lost blogger you wish would come back? I haven't been doing this that long, so I'm not too sure. I have run into some pretty amazing posts tho!
3. If you made a New Year's Resolution, did you break it already? If you did not make one, why?
I did NOT break it!!! I am Super proud, trust me if you know me personally, you will be the first to know. I haven't smoked a cancer stick in 7 whole day! I am really attempting to battle this demon! If not now then when?
4. People who still have their outside Christmas lights up. Festive or Lazy? Discuss.
Oh its laziness. I don't care what anyone else says, take down the lights already!!! The annoyance of Christmas lights lasts long enough for me to get bored. You should too!
5. What is the last annoying song that got trapped in your head? Really nothing
6. Have you ever worn or tried edible underwear? What are your thoughts on it?
That's sick. No further comment.
Bonus: If you could do one bad thing and get away with it, what would you do and why?
I'm a Republican. All the way
Take down Obama, and I would be as happy as a young girl in a candy store!
Feel free to post them on your own blog with personal answers, I'll read them!!
1. Why do you keep a blog? To keep occupied is the number 1 reason!! Next, tho, seriously I need somewhere to be able to talk about the things happening to me. Partly so I know that they are real, and the other part so someone agrees with me. Legality is half the battle.
2. Who is one long lost blogger you wish would come back? I haven't been doing this that long, so I'm not too sure. I have run into some pretty amazing posts tho!
3. If you made a New Year's Resolution, did you break it already? If you did not make one, why?
I did NOT break it!!! I am Super proud, trust me if you know me personally, you will be the first to know. I haven't smoked a cancer stick in 7 whole day! I am really attempting to battle this demon! If not now then when?
4. People who still have their outside Christmas lights up. Festive or Lazy? Discuss.
Oh its laziness. I don't care what anyone else says, take down the lights already!!! The annoyance of Christmas lights lasts long enough for me to get bored. You should too!
5. What is the last annoying song that got trapped in your head? Really nothing
6. Have you ever worn or tried edible underwear? What are your thoughts on it?
That's sick. No further comment.
Bonus: If you could do one bad thing and get away with it, what would you do and why?
I'm a Republican. All the way
Take down Obama, and I would be as happy as a young girl in a candy store!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Lunch time!
When was the last time you heard those sweet words, I know it's been since grade school for me! Lunch time was the best time a kid could ask for, eating some of mom's pre cooked meals (IE sandwiches for me)made my whole entire day. Food was of udder importance at that age, and now it still is....Lol. Except for the whole drinking thing, food come second to alcohol bitch, for sure!
Tonight was my SECOND shot @ a Lunchbox. Not to fond of those fellas....tried one a few months ago with a close friend and embarrassingly couldn't finish it. So tonight when the question arose, I thought about it....
Maybe I wasn't ready in the previous months, maybe it was just that bad (don't try it again!!).......so many things were running through my subconscious.
Seriously guys/gals.....I will admit I am a virgin @ the ripe age of 25.
I didn't know what to expect, well yeah I knew what was in the drink but for the life of me I couldn't figure out why I despised it so much.
Was it the fact that I couldn't finish the first, so I didn't want to further the embarrasment?
or just the mere idea that maybe they just don't get along with the rest of my body.....
I had to find out!
Curiousity seems to mess with me alot. I am way to curious for my own good, I should really cut that shit out.
It was amazing, I think I will dub it my New Favorite shot! Jen takes over in ranking!! Because no matter what a girl says she's probably always lying.....but Rumplemintz used to be my favorite, all because of you, Thanks for the introduction Patty, but you were lacking tonight!
Jen I have got to hand it to you you have made my 2009 come back a success! I'm reconsidering all past dispositions.
I take back all the negative things about 2009, it will be great.....all because me and my friends are in it!
Tonight was my SECOND shot @ a Lunchbox. Not to fond of those fellas....tried one a few months ago with a close friend and embarrassingly couldn't finish it. So tonight when the question arose, I thought about it....
Maybe I wasn't ready in the previous months, maybe it was just that bad (don't try it again!!).......so many things were running through my subconscious.
Seriously guys/gals.....I will admit I am a virgin @ the ripe age of 25.
I didn't know what to expect, well yeah I knew what was in the drink but for the life of me I couldn't figure out why I despised it so much.
Was it the fact that I couldn't finish the first, so I didn't want to further the embarrasment?
or just the mere idea that maybe they just don't get along with the rest of my body.....
I had to find out!
Curiousity seems to mess with me alot. I am way to curious for my own good, I should really cut that shit out.
It was amazing, I think I will dub it my New Favorite shot! Jen takes over in ranking!! Because no matter what a girl says she's probably always lying.....but Rumplemintz used to be my favorite, all because of you, Thanks for the introduction Patty, but you were lacking tonight!
Jen I have got to hand it to you you have made my 2009 come back a success! I'm reconsidering all past dispositions.
I take back all the negative things about 2009, it will be great.....all because me and my friends are in it!
Book Review!!!
I have raved about this book ever since I finished it. It took me 4 days, not bad considering I am not one to be considered an 'Avid' reader.
Warning: Nothing about this book is clean. It's dirty, dirty, very dirty. Tucker Max is the author along with the main character, who shares his twentysomething adventures before/during/and after college. Disturbing, YES! Yet it is so much fun to read, as long as you don't mind raunchy encounters and probably shouldn't have a sensitive gag reflex. I recommend this book for anyone who is looking for something to spark their interest, as well as Laugh a ton!
Before you buy it visit his website: www.tuckermax.com
Scroll to the bottom and Read The Famous "Sushi Pants" Story I promise you won't be disapointed ;)
Mishaps in Mayhem (12/23/08)
Today has not been a good day, well to think of it neither was yesterday...yuck!
To begin the craziness of the holidays has had my brain all jumbled and apparently someone or something is trying to kill me.
..............................Serious..................................
By no fault of my own, o maybe it was my fault, there is a chunk of my bumper missing....
That damn snow mound had to turn to ice, didn't it?
Long story short the end of my driveway is slowly trying to kill me. Or my poor car for that matter...Ill admit, I teared up a little....
Today was the day of lunch with Gramps...it went well but it was the before that turned out not so well....Here's the story:
I was sitting in my car patiently waiting for people to arrive for lunch when all of a sudden I had this TERRIBLE cramp in my foot. When I say terrible, I fuckin mean Terrible! I quickly took off my right shoe and tried my best to stand on my seat in order to get the cramp to subside...Ah, it worked I was so happy that I didnt have to try and truck myself around in the fucking snow to get it to stop.
That wasnt the worst, but after all I was still overjoyed that my foot was feeling normal again....I set my left hand on my leg (Thank GOD I wasnt wearing my jeans....I had my dress on) and to my suprise there was blood on my leg. WTF? I mean come on I have a very LOW pain tolerance, so where the fuck was the blood coming from....I pull back my hand and look and was shocked to see that my hand was bleeding, BAD!
I have no fuckin idea how it got cut but it did...
and it was gushing dark red blood everywhere, I was sure I was gonna bleed out or something.
I frantically look around for a napkin, kleenex, an old piece of paper, or something to help put pressure on the unforseen wound.
Nothing.
Nothing in the backseat.
Nothing in the glovebox.
Nothing in the middle console.
I freaked...Then a light flickered over my head and I found something!!
Pressure!!!
Took a cat nap later...felt like I lost a ton of BLOOD. Feeling better; I take a ride and spill an entire can of COKE on my seat, UGHHHHHHHHH I wanted to scream.The entire 12 ounces of brown sticky goodness on my seat...Fuck this day im going to bed.
Peace out bitches
To begin the craziness of the holidays has had my brain all jumbled and apparently someone or something is trying to kill me.
..............................Serious..................................
By no fault of my own, o maybe it was my fault, there is a chunk of my bumper missing....
That damn snow mound had to turn to ice, didn't it?
Long story short the end of my driveway is slowly trying to kill me. Or my poor car for that matter...Ill admit, I teared up a little....
Today was the day of lunch with Gramps...it went well but it was the before that turned out not so well....Here's the story:
I was sitting in my car patiently waiting for people to arrive for lunch when all of a sudden I had this TERRIBLE cramp in my foot. When I say terrible, I fuckin mean Terrible! I quickly took off my right shoe and tried my best to stand on my seat in order to get the cramp to subside...Ah, it worked I was so happy that I didnt have to try and truck myself around in the fucking snow to get it to stop.
That wasnt the worst, but after all I was still overjoyed that my foot was feeling normal again....I set my left hand on my leg (Thank GOD I wasnt wearing my jeans....I had my dress on) and to my suprise there was blood on my leg. WTF? I mean come on I have a very LOW pain tolerance, so where the fuck was the blood coming from....I pull back my hand and look and was shocked to see that my hand was bleeding, BAD!
I have no fuckin idea how it got cut but it did...
and it was gushing dark red blood everywhere, I was sure I was gonna bleed out or something.
I frantically look around for a napkin, kleenex, an old piece of paper, or something to help put pressure on the unforseen wound.
Nothing.
Nothing in the backseat.
Nothing in the glovebox.
Nothing in the middle console.
I freaked...Then a light flickered over my head and I found something!!
Pressure!!!
Took a cat nap later...felt like I lost a ton of BLOOD. Feeling better; I take a ride and spill an entire can of COKE on my seat, UGHHHHHHHHH I wanted to scream.The entire 12 ounces of brown sticky goodness on my seat...Fuck this day im going to bed.
Peace out bitches
The Fall of 2008
J-Nap - Me - Hillman - H'and@Bourbon Street J-Nap's 25th
Andrea & I Disgusted @ the Slut-Faced Christmas Party
The Vegas CrewJen - AJ - Teri - The P's - Aunt Kathie - Kaz
Me - Mike - Andrea
Poor Wheelchair lady....I'd tag ya if I knew your name!
Where are we going?
Its been 7 days since 2009 began, and I'm feeling refreshed. Say goodbye to the things that caused me hell in 2008, because it is officially 2009!
Developing a mantra for myself for this year has been tricky. Well actually its the first year that I am preparing to have one.
Well aware that it needs to be my own, created from my ideas, problems and lessons learned in my 25 years.
Live, Laugh, then Love.
So there you have it. Simple to remember, but hard to break down. Trust me I will be reciting this to myself daily, or even multiple times daily, whatever it takes. I deserve it!
Life is too short to focus on the past, and what the future holds I'm unsure. What I do know is that as long as I am living my life, laughing though it and loving last; I will be just fine.
Maybe I was wrong about my outlook for this year, check back in a few months we will see what becomes of the beginning of 2009.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Still Scared
Just a warning. Yes I've been sick, and that guarantees me nap time almost everyday. Lucky for me I have the time or I'd never get healthy.
Today during my nap I had that dream, AgAiN! Some people have heard this story before but here goes.
About a week ago I decided that I wanted to try out the Red Box, and instantly got addicted. So I rented again, I became a movie buff overnight-there was no stopping me. I rented Strangers
Normally Horror movies Do Not affect me in the slightest bit, but this one did. The entire movie prompted 2 dreams exactly alike within a few days. Now I don't know much about dreams, but if someone does and wants to let me know what the diagnosis of my dream is, feel free.
I dreamt me and a friend were the two main characters. To the tee!!
We were scared shit less, and I felt like I was living the movie. Those masked people are something else.
I want to know why I had that dream yet again just an hour or so ago, there is something wrong with me. Overactive imagination or something.
That movie freaks me out, literally.
I don't recommend it, to anyone. Just for the fear factor, by god I watched way worse than this....but there is just something about the killers in this particular one that really gets me.
An incredibly thrilling imagination is what I have, turn if off. Please?
Today during my nap I had that dream, AgAiN! Some people have heard this story before but here goes.
About a week ago I decided that I wanted to try out the Red Box, and instantly got addicted. So I rented again, I became a movie buff overnight-there was no stopping me. I rented Strangers
Normally Horror movies Do Not affect me in the slightest bit, but this one did. The entire movie prompted 2 dreams exactly alike within a few days. Now I don't know much about dreams, but if someone does and wants to let me know what the diagnosis of my dream is, feel free.
I dreamt me and a friend were the two main characters. To the tee!!
We were scared shit less, and I felt like I was living the movie. Those masked people are something else.
I want to know why I had that dream yet again just an hour or so ago, there is something wrong with me. Overactive imagination or something.
That movie freaks me out, literally.
I don't recommend it, to anyone. Just for the fear factor, by god I watched way worse than this....but there is just something about the killers in this particular one that really gets me.
An incredibly thrilling imagination is what I have, turn if off. Please?
How to deal
If being sick day 1 of the new year has anything to say about the next 300 and some days, Im in trouble. Day 6 and I still have the pounding pressure in my head and the slightly stuffy nose. Im terrified to see how the rest of the year is going to go, ugh.
Through the crazyness of this cold/flu/something that is slowly killing me....I did have time to pick a resolution that I will work really hard at keeping. I quit smoking. Yup, I did it and its been exactly 130 hours and 35 minutes. Pretty great feat for me. Just one this year, keeping it simple in order to keep true to it, I fail miserably almost every year.
Im going though something right now, a state of confusion and nothing seems to clear the haze. Each day brings more confusion and I am fearing that I am making it that way.....
Nothing seems to be going, just right; It's all flying around hopelessly around my head driving me insane. Once and a while I will get the feeling that something is just right, and Im finally on the right path. In that same moment everything stops and it seems so wrong.
Someday I'll understand everything, someday when i have children....Im sure of it.
Through the crazyness of this cold/flu/something that is slowly killing me....I did have time to pick a resolution that I will work really hard at keeping. I quit smoking. Yup, I did it and its been exactly 130 hours and 35 minutes. Pretty great feat for me. Just one this year, keeping it simple in order to keep true to it, I fail miserably almost every year.
Im going though something right now, a state of confusion and nothing seems to clear the haze. Each day brings more confusion and I am fearing that I am making it that way.....
Nothing seems to be going, just right; It's all flying around hopelessly around my head driving me insane. Once and a while I will get the feeling that something is just right, and Im finally on the right path. In that same moment everything stops and it seems so wrong.
Someday I'll understand everything, someday when i have children....Im sure of it.
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