It starts with a Kiss

I hate life right now. I just don't know why I have to be the person that I am, so sensitive to everything. I will never change, and I hate it. I try so hard to be different, just so that I can get through the day without stressing myself out to no end, but it always fails. I am so sick and tired of worrying about every little detail and trying so hard to make sure everything works out perfectly, nothing is perfect and I know this. So if I know this why can't I just feel it too, why worry about the unnecessary and make myself sick over it. I just wanna cry
Nothing in my life happens normally.. Nothing. Everything is too good to be true or I waste 9 years on it just to find out that I guess my misery loved his company. I want what my sister has, I want to move out, I want so much more......unfortunately my personality wants it NOW. That's way too much to ask for I guess, I wish I could go back and put up that wall of stone and never let anyone through it again. He hurt me so bad that I can't recover from the damaging effects, which now effects me in my life without him. Fuck him, fuck it all I just want to be happy 100% of the time, not here and there. If life weren't so fucking hard everyone could be happy, but since I dwell on the small shit it's extra hard for me. Seriously I am just hating life right now, nothing takes my mind off anything else, everything just keeps weighing me down. 26 is right around the corner. Yuck. Can I have a 26 year old crisis......because I feel it coming on.