Learning to avoid to conquer

Our group at TFC - before the issues! Geezeee, I love the camera...

Well as it is always said you are never too old to learn a new lesson in life. It's the truth. After a great weekend full of fun and exciting things on my agenda the fun came crashing down around me Saturday night. I'll admit now: I'm overly sensitive, I freak out easily and most of all I will always need my mother.

This past Saturday has taught me a lesson.

Here's what went down.

The four of us loaded up the SUV (Best friend, Brother, other Best Friends Boyfriend and I)
We drove across the Illinois state line to crappy ol' Indiana. Hammond to be exact. This was merely a repeat from months earlier. Been there done this was the case. We were all off to see a friend fight in the Total Fight Challenge and we were all super pumped to see him win again just as he did last October. I decided to be the DD and only consumed 2 beers while there. I got into an argument with my brother that needless to say ended badly, real bad. You see I am a compulsive planner and I just like to know when where and what all the time. I really don't see a problem with that apparently he did. A simple question turned into him yelling at me like he was my father. I would have none of that, I was done. The minute he started shouting obsenities to my face did it for me. I felt 15 again. I got up and walked away because no one, and I mean No One is going to talk to me like that. This is when my over sensitiveness kicked in at full speed. I realized that I let my feelings guide me to my phone, I dialed my mother because I just did not want to be there anymore. I didn't want to subject myself to anymore of that pain that I felt. Apparently I made it worse, and shit went down. He said some pretty mean things to me after finding out that I had made that phone call, and it didnt end there.

To make a long story shorter....no one came to get me
I had to be the bigger person and go sit back with him. He said nothing. I figured that silence was golden and it was going to blow over. Damn, I was wrong once again. Upon leaving I did NOT want to start a war so I kept my mouth shut and here is where I made one Very BAD decision.
I was too scared to argue with him about the keys and I didn't persuade him to let me drive like I know I very well should have done. I can't believe myself even now, I let him drive home intoxicated. So much for that good older sister that I tend to belive I am. I failed in the sibling department that night....Well seriously so did he.

All ended fine--meaning everyone got home safe and sound. He has only said a handful of words to me since Saturday and I am fine with that. What gets me is that he continued to drink after we returned back to Illinois and left me two nasty messages, One via text--One via voicemail. Which I didn't get until the morning. He hurt me.

From now on I'm going to do things different. I should have reversed my freakout moment to the parking lot toward the end of the night and made him give me his keys. I love him too much to see him get hurt, and that could have happened that night. I feel like it was my 'get outta jail free' card, and now it's expired. I need to learn to do the right things and not get scared or back down. That night could have easily turned out much worse for more than just me.

My Malfunction

Dirty dishes has to be the worst possible event known to us humans and I am not even sure why I despise that task so much, I just know deep down how much it sucks. To be real; Its not like I have to lick off any extra food, I do have a faucet that does that type of dirty work. It's just that I cannot stand the fact that other peoples old uneaten food has the chance of touching my hands. It's purely gross.
To be frank, my leftover mess gives me the creeps too.
If I never had to touch a funky dirty plate / smuged up cocktail glass I would be in heaven.
Seriously I will cut back someother places in my life in order to have disposable EVERYTHING. Its so much more sanitary...I don't trust soap and water.
That brings me to the theory that laundry soap just makes clothes smell clean....they never are. That is the mear reason that I will NOT take out other peoples underwear out of the dryer. Even if I need to use the dryer really bad, I would rather wait than touch my fathers underware. Sick.
What is your Major Malfunction?

11 days absent

Oh my! Over a week, and almost hitting the two week mark. This isn't like me =)
Things have been crazy good and I have not had a free moment to just sit still and blog away. I have thought alot about blogging lately and everytime I think of it there is no damn computer around. Except for the few decent drives I have taken to help out my dear sister in her packing adventures...my computer was there but I just don't think blogging and driving go hand in hand. Im Super excited to be going to WIU this weekend, even if it is only for a day! I am taking my Best Friend with and I'm pretty sure she is just as pumped!
Right now I feel like a chewed up and spit out piece of Bubble Yum. I have done so much, and even my car is feeling it. It's in the shop =( I should find out what the damage is soon-ish but I will be car-less for the next day or so and I hate that feeling. If I am dependant on any one thing, that would be it.
I depend more on my car than I do on myself.
Maybe I would be able to depend on myself and actually use my legs to get me around but not in this damn feverishly cold weather in Chicago. Yuck is the word.
I am going to try to have more 'ME' time and write everything that is on my mind. To a point.

Final words.
I hate...
Re-runs of One Tree Hill & Gossip Girl - I need my fix and I just ain't gettin' it!!!!
When I have cramps - Almost NEVER ever happens...this month, not so lucky.
Sleeping without the TV on - Whoever invented SleepTimers gets a cookie!
The City - I could give a rats ass about Whitney, tell them to stop it now!
Plans that fail
Waiting - FOR ANYTHING
doing laundry on Tuesdays - It's a Monday thing...I might have laundry OCD
Emotions - they ruin everything.
IKEA furnature that fails
Cold toes and fingers
People that put words in my mouth - I'm not a mime.
These sleepless nights.

2001

This was the year that I finished High School. Put on your time machine gear ladies and gentleman; we are going back in time. In about 4 short months, give or take a few priceless days, I hit the official 8 year mark in time. You never really realize how fast these years go. I am a facebook addict, I will openly admit it, and I recently found it intriguing to fill out some random note about the Senior Year at my old, but dear High School. It got me to thinking, why in hell did I want to get out of there so bad, things were so much simpler than, and Im not focusing on the simple pleasure of late arrivals, the whole shebang was easy. It did have its immediate drawbacks lying right with the huge number of caddy teenage girls that could sniff out drama like it was their job.
I was confronted with the question 'To go, or not to go to my High School Reunion'
For years I could answer this question without a breath of hesitation, now; Not so much. I never realized how much life could change in the blink of an eye and instantly be reminded of that change from a question that I was very assertive on last summer. I don't want to go, Not now. Not in the current state of life that I am in, I love High School but I think I would only love it if I could repeat it exactly the way it was. Attending a reunion isn't going to give me my teenage years back, it can't.
Oh, but if I could turn back time...I actually wouldnt have done anything differently. Some of my greatest memories reside between the year 1998 and 2001, and it doesnt get any better than that.

She who laughs last...

Today is the last day before Friday, could it get any better. Weeks are just flying by like mad monkeys that the Wicked Witch of the West summoned. Yesterday was Wednesday however and it was a normal Wacky Wednesday just as planned.
Nothing exciting all day...sleep-work-homework-then more work.
I did go out with one of the besties to the bar last night for a few drinks. He was there. Normally I would have gotten that awkward feeling in the pit of my stomach, just like I did a few weeks ago when we ran into each other, but not this time. I kinda 'outted' him. Oops!
I did a semi-half turn to my right and kinda glanced toward him just short of his eyes and said 'hello' to his two friends. Never made eye contact, I kinda felt rude....but I really don't know what else to do. It was funny, and I'm still laughing about it as I write this...
There is a VERY good chance that with the way that he portrays himself he doesn't even give a rats ass if I talked to him or not. I never broke that barrier to find out if we could even just be friends, I just pulled the tape and sealed that box shut. Tight!
I do care to some extent. Ehh, maybe I don't. Caring is for suckers, then those suckers get licked then tossed.
If I did indeed get the last laugh, my record will remain unscathed.
I won't have it any other way. I win!

Evilness behind the sniffles.

I hate them.
In so many ways. The only thing that is worse than vomiting is a nose that is Bi-Polar, and that is exactly the phenomenon that kept me up for most of the night last night. One minute I'm constantly feeling that post nasal drip every 3 seconds; wiping or blowing. All that leads to is a sore protruding extremity right center of my face. That feeling of liquids oozing out of my nose is very unpleasant, and even more so when I question if it is actually going down while I'm having an intense conversation...Ugh.
Worse than constant drip page is the stuffed nose. Yup that's part two in my noses multiple personalities disorder. I find myself obsessed over blowing my nose, thinking that eventually after Kleenex 104 and the 104th action of blowing that everything up there would be free, and I would be able to breath again. Not so much, this shit multiplies by the millisecond and it's plain old sickening to me.
I will be probably one of the few but I really much rather be vomiting uncontrollably until I recess to dry heaves that can only last for so long.
I just feel like any issue that contains my nose = complete and utter dissatisfaction and makes me crazy.
Right now personality number two is coming forward, and I just cant get that damn oozing mucus to stop flowing. I mean seriously my nose is running like a fire hose attempting to put out a fire. Maybe I could save a dollhouse that is in utter despair with my nasal drippings.
This is cold Number 2 of the new year, and I am fed up.

Spectacular Mid-Week Anxiety Attack

Wednesday has passed, all the way to Friday....I guess I'm a little late in reporting my news. Its forgivable though after you hear the story you will understand why it's taken me more than 24 hours. Lol

Set up a movie date with my people. My sister, brother, best friend and her boy toy...Free movie tickets to see Taken...Go see it, trust me its better than the previews!! I agreed to pick up my sister and meet everyone else there just because I LOVE spending time with her, she's the best sister a girl could have. We also love to shop together so we went to the store. We had a pit-stop at the local Wal-Mart (yes, I'm not embarrassed to say I shop there...but I definitely don't buy my underwear there...ugh) This is the lucky place where I got the call.
Now you are probably wondering, what call?
If you have read past posts you should all know what call I got.
It was my dad.
Here was our convo:
Me: Hello
Dad: Hey what are you doing (He never gets right to the point)
Me: Shopping with my sister
Dad: Oh yea I forgot
Me: Thats natural, so what's up dad?
Dad:Oh Yes, are you expecting a letter from Western?
Me: Dad, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, YES....Um, I gotta go I will call you back I gotta call Aj to see if he will take care of this for me. Bye
Click-I did, I hung up on him....After all I was 35 miles from home shopping with my sister and I knew the only way that I was going to get that letter before midnight was to call my semi-close brother to pick it up.

Here's my next convo
Bro: Y-ellow
Me:Dumbass did you go to Mom's already?
Bro:Yeah why?
Me: Go back! Now get the mail, bring it to me!! I got something from Western...
Bro: Oh I didnt go to mom's house, I went to mom's work.
Me:Bitch...
Click-yup hung up on him too ;)

So I look at my sister and I swear all this happened in a matter of seconds, I really don't think that a minute had even passed. I was frantic. So now what. Wait 6 hours, or have the dad open the mail and read my fate to me over the distant cell phone waves. I decided to call, I remind my sister that this could either be good or bad...either I would be excited and making a fool of myself in Wal-Mart, or I would want to run and cry. Here goes nothing!

Dad: Storage Power Battery (he has my number programmed, he just does that sometimes pretending that its a customer calling....waste of time)
Me: Ok so AJ is not coming by the house before he meets up with us so can you open it please.
Dad: Sure....Um....give me a sec....
Me: Come on Dad hurry...
Dad: No I am looking for it, I think I misplaced it...
Me: What?? How could you do that, it's been like 67 seconds since I first talked to you
Dad: Oh here, it was buried....
So I can hear the opening of the envelope, that crackling sound that just made my hands start to shake and my heart start to pound. I want this...bad.
Dad: Congratulations you have been accepted!
Me: Oh My God, this is so exciting, Love ya bye.

I turn to my sister, and literally start jumping up and down in the aisle looking like a fool screaming "Yes Yes Yes I did it!!!!" She started jumping with me and that was the happiest that I have ever felt at 4:33pm.
I called everyone. I wanted to share that feeling of 1001 butterflies fluttering around in my stomach right away. Then I celebrated all night long. Movie, Margaritas, friends, family and it was spectacular.

Fast Forward!

My life is spiraling out of control, every where I turn around something new has come up! It's freakishly exciting!! Finally got the time to watch a movie with my excellent sister yesterday...
I have been waiting to see this movie - Nick and Norah's infinite playlist (amazing, go buy it now!)
It was cute, I laughed too which I really love to do!!

Movie night again tonight just at the actual theater this time. Going to see Taken, looks good, and free tickets are never passed up by me for a movie. Should be fun and enticing.

Nothing interesting going on. For real.
So I'll have to continue to bore you.....ahhhh
You'll read on anyways.

I have been out, about, and sprouting a rainbow alot this month....and it's only day 4. Kinda stressing me out a little bit. I haven't had time in 6 days now to relax and veg out alone in my bedroom. Sort of depressing, I NEED that time. It makes me whole just to interact with myself once and a while. Lol.
So big plans call for my attention!
Can we just skip V-day. Ugh...I don't even wanna think about my singleness...
It scares me.
So then after that weekend of emotional wreckage come the fun weekends. The 21st I will be out for a friends UFC type of thing. Yes I know him. He is fighting! Scary too. The last one was fun, and I hoping that he can get his second straight victory! I know me and the besties will be cheering him on!
Weekend next in line is the end of the month. God its gonna come bite me, it feels so soon...
Me and my sister are going to Western for the weekend. Yea!! Gonna do the sister thing and check stuff out with her. Maybe roam the bars, but I will def be visiting The Union....this gurl needs some more warm hoodies because I feel like this weather is gonna be cold for a while yet. Ugh....sorry I reminded myself, so I had to remind you ;)

Happy Wednesday!