A whirl-wind of excitement has hit me and I just can't contain myself!!
So many nice things have happened, leaving me with more than a shit-ton to be Thankful for this year. I always hoped that 2009 would bring me lots of good news and bright shiny opportunities, not so much during the first half of the year. To be frank: I wanted to give up on it all! So sick of trying to keep myself happy when everything around me seemed to crash down upon me. Now I have a new outlook for what is left of this blessed year.
Faith!
Not the godly type of faith that most people have, yet it's faith in a whole new light. I now have the faith to stand up and proudly say that I control my destiny. Finally this girl feels like all the positive energy that has been put out into the cosmos has found its way back to me!
I have had ups & downs, highs & lows and to be honest I don't know when the next down, or low will come so I have decided to focus on just the upside of things. I am HAPPY.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
When the dust settles
Wedding mode is over--it has passed. While I thought that it would go perfectly with little room for error, however some minor issues still occurred. All that happened was easily fixed and we moved on without anyone even knowing we had any issues.
As I hope for when my day comes, my sister had an excellent evening filled with fun and lots of craziness. I never knew that the smile on her face would just glow, she was so happy upon the ending of their vows that I couldn't help but shed some tears of joy for her. She is the most important person in my life and without her life would be as dull as a pencil tip.
I danced the night away (Red Bull Vodka's in hand!!)
As I am glad that it is over it was more fun than I could have asked for this year, and from the picture to the right you can see just how happy the both of us are.
I love you Mrs. Theresa Kazmierski
As I hope for when my day comes, my sister had an excellent evening filled with fun and lots of craziness. I never knew that the smile on her face would just glow, she was so happy upon the ending of their vows that I couldn't help but shed some tears of joy for her. She is the most important person in my life and without her life would be as dull as a pencil tip.
I danced the night away (Red Bull Vodka's in hand!!)
As I am glad that it is over it was more fun than I could have asked for this year, and from the picture to the right you can see just how happy the both of us are.
I love you Mrs. Theresa Kazmierski
Friday, July 10, 2009
The Big Day, and it's NOT for me
Sometimes I just feel like it's NEVER going to be me....Yup a wedding, and to stick a knife in the wound and spin it around she's younger than me! I'm happy for her in everyway that I am supposed to be, really! Although there is this little bird on my shoulder being really insensitive to the fact that she's beating me to it. Ah, it's nothing to fret over, my time will come (wishful thinking =/ )
So I am the Maid of Honor - But I like to look at it as more of the HBIC, yup Head Bitch In Charge. She is soooo wishy washy and I wish things were just black and white instead of how they currently are.....
Ugh, more bitching to come
Countdown 36 days....someone save me. Or wait at least find me a date!!
So I am the Maid of Honor - But I like to look at it as more of the HBIC, yup Head Bitch In Charge. She is soooo wishy washy and I wish things were just black and white instead of how they currently are.....
Ugh, more bitching to come
Countdown 36 days....someone save me. Or wait at least find me a date!!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
It starts with a Kiss
I hate life right now. I just don't know why I have to be the person that I am, so sensitive to everything. I will never change, and I hate it. I try so hard to be different, just so that I can get through the day without stressing myself out to no end, but it always fails. I am so sick and tired of worrying about every little detail and trying so hard to make sure everything works out perfectly, nothing is perfect and I know this. So if I know this why can't I just feel it too, why worry about the unnecessary and make myself sick over it. I just wanna cry
Nothing in my life happens normally.. Nothing. Everything is too good to be true or I waste 9 years on it just to find out that I guess my misery loved his company. I want what my sister has, I want to move out, I want so much more......unfortunately my personality wants it NOW. That's way too much to ask for I guess, I wish I could go back and put up that wall of stone and never let anyone through it again. He hurt me so bad that I can't recover from the damaging effects, which now effects me in my life without him. Fuck him, fuck it all I just want to be happy 100% of the time, not here and there. If life weren't so fucking hard everyone could be happy, but since I dwell on the small shit it's extra hard for me. Seriously I am just hating life right now, nothing takes my mind off anything else, everything just keeps weighing me down. 26 is right around the corner. Yuck. Can I have a 26 year old crisis......because I feel it coming on.
Nothing in my life happens normally.. Nothing. Everything is too good to be true or I waste 9 years on it just to find out that I guess my misery loved his company. I want what my sister has, I want to move out, I want so much more......unfortunately my personality wants it NOW. That's way too much to ask for I guess, I wish I could go back and put up that wall of stone and never let anyone through it again. He hurt me so bad that I can't recover from the damaging effects, which now effects me in my life without him. Fuck him, fuck it all I just want to be happy 100% of the time, not here and there. If life weren't so fucking hard everyone could be happy, but since I dwell on the small shit it's extra hard for me. Seriously I am just hating life right now, nothing takes my mind off anything else, everything just keeps weighing me down. 26 is right around the corner. Yuck. Can I have a 26 year old crisis......because I feel it coming on.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
What do you wish for....
As I layed in bed trying to get motivated to move out of bed this morning I had a revelation to make a list. Personally there are so many things that I am wishing for right now....maybe some of you others can carry on and make your own list after you read mine of course =)
Anyways, Im going to make this list and update it when they come true over the next few months because I am determined to make everything happen!
1) A new job. Of course I will still help Dad out, but I need a constant paycheck if I want to have any kind of Real fun.
2) A nothing day with the boy. I want to lay around watch movies all day and just relax while being in his arms.
3)The most excellent birthday ever. 17 days and counting...
4)That the ex of his moves on and out already. Not mine, his. I do get to spend alot of time with him already but both of us want more.
5)Babies, or just one. I want kids, this is not going to happen over the next few months.
6)Get married, he talks about it....I fall in love with the idea of it and that's it...We're in love.
7)That I could get Tori Spelling to marry my sister this summer, she would LOVE it.
8) To cook in his kitchen
9)To spend time with his son. This little boy lights up my world, and I love it.
10)To join a class.....not school related, more like exersize related. Kick-Boxing anyone?
Thanks for reading, hopefully the things that I am wishing for will progress my attitude into something more positive, I have been rather negative lately...
Anyways, Im going to make this list and update it when they come true over the next few months because I am determined to make everything happen!
1) A new job. Of course I will still help Dad out, but I need a constant paycheck if I want to have any kind of Real fun.
2) A nothing day with the boy. I want to lay around watch movies all day and just relax while being in his arms.
3)The most excellent birthday ever. 17 days and counting...
4)That the ex of his moves on and out already. Not mine, his. I do get to spend alot of time with him already but both of us want more.
5)Babies, or just one. I want kids, this is not going to happen over the next few months.
6)Get married, he talks about it....I fall in love with the idea of it and that's it...We're in love.
7)That I could get Tori Spelling to marry my sister this summer, she would LOVE it.
8) To cook in his kitchen
9)To spend time with his son. This little boy lights up my world, and I love it.
10)To join a class.....not school related, more like exersize related. Kick-Boxing anyone?
Thanks for reading, hopefully the things that I am wishing for will progress my attitude into something more positive, I have been rather negative lately...
Monday, May 25, 2009
Holiday Weekend
Memorial Day weekend is the perfect time to have a party, relax and drink outside just in time to bring in the summer rays. Every Memorial Day BBQ that I have ever attended has been so much fun and just kicks of the summer in a huge way. This year a lot has changed in so many good ways, and I have really started to grow up and realized that I can't control everything, sometimes life just has to get a little mixed up so we can find ourselves before we get lost in this crazy world. The new boy most defintely showed up yesterday, like I would have expected any less from him. This one, he is just phenominal, always surprises up his sleeve. The best was yesterday when I called him and he told me he was going to be leaving his house in a few minutes to drive the 40 minutes to the party, yea I was getting excited. Then 5 minutes later he arrives, and he thinks its just so cute when he does that to me. Ok well it is cute, and to others really annoying that I go all red-in-the-face crazy when he does it.
If you have ever fallen in love then you know exactly how great it feels to find that someone that just makes you udderly happy. For the first time in my life I am admitting that I have never felt the way that I do with him, ever. Seriously I thought that I was in love with Nick, but this new relationship feels soooo much better than any of the time that I wasted in my old relationship. I thought I had love all figured out years ago, guess it was just me being naive because the way that Bob makes me feel everytime I see or talk to him is just heart racing. I am ready to see where the future is going to take me, sooooo ready =)
If you have ever fallen in love then you know exactly how great it feels to find that someone that just makes you udderly happy. For the first time in my life I am admitting that I have never felt the way that I do with him, ever. Seriously I thought that I was in love with Nick, but this new relationship feels soooo much better than any of the time that I wasted in my old relationship. I thought I had love all figured out years ago, guess it was just me being naive because the way that Bob makes me feel everytime I see or talk to him is just heart racing. I am ready to see where the future is going to take me, sooooo ready =)
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Running away from the Past, and FAST
Life is good.
The new boy is amazing, (he just texted me the sweetest message....)
Where has he been all my life =)
Oh thats right I wasted 9 years on dumb fuck. My bad. Yea well everything happens for a reason and Im semi-ok with that.
Life without walls and barriers is pretty darn sweet and as much as I have learned to lOvE being SiNgLe, I just don't wanna be anymore. I feel like I should be further in my life right now but Im not and it sucks.
Took a mental health day from most everything in life and sat at the beach reading a book, I lOvE being 15 miles away from Chicago. It's not Wrightsville Beach in NC, but it will do for now. The peace and serenity of being alone and doing something for myself was phenominal.
I am Woman, Hear me roar!
The new boy is amazing, (he just texted me the sweetest message....)
Where has he been all my life =)
Oh thats right I wasted 9 years on dumb fuck. My bad. Yea well everything happens for a reason and Im semi-ok with that.
Life without walls and barriers is pretty darn sweet and as much as I have learned to lOvE being SiNgLe, I just don't wanna be anymore. I feel like I should be further in my life right now but Im not and it sucks.
Took a mental health day from most everything in life and sat at the beach reading a book, I lOvE being 15 miles away from Chicago. It's not Wrightsville Beach in NC, but it will do for now. The peace and serenity of being alone and doing something for myself was phenominal.
I am Woman, Hear me roar!
Sunday, May 17, 2009
The element of surprise has finally caught up!
Me and the Boy!
Me and Teri!
Me and Teri!
Best surprise yet!
Yes, that's right people....I graduated on Friday! I was so thrilled, and even through the long boring ceremony every minute of it was worth it! I only have one issue to address here, and that is the element of surprise! I ruin surprises or people ruin mine for me, they go hand in hand together and to be honest I think every time I am posed with a surprise I have already had some inclination to part of the details. Its a flaw of mine and a dooming one at that, especially for someone who always talks about spontaneity and its thrilling aspects!!
For the good part:
I WAS REALLY WITHOUT A DOUBT SURPRISED BY MY SISTER THE NIGHT OF MY GRADUATION! Most credit goes out to her for planning the most unexpected suprise of my life. My boy showed up for dinner and drinks at the restaurant after graduation and I had NO Fucking CLUE! I will give the love credit to him, for making my graduation something that I will remember for all time. He really picked me off my feet in shock! I'm definately falling for him more now than I thought before.....no guy has ever done something like that! It just meant more than I think he even knows....but that's ok I only told him a zillion times this weekend how special he made my day for me.
P.S. He got us a hotel and we spent the weekend in each others arms. I guess love could be in my not-so-distant future, because seriously I think I just might love this one =)
Not to leave out the most fantastic time we had BBQing at my sisters on Saturday night. He such a sweetie, and Im putting my whole self out there into the universe just to see where this relationship will take me =)
For the good part:
I WAS REALLY WITHOUT A DOUBT SURPRISED BY MY SISTER THE NIGHT OF MY GRADUATION! Most credit goes out to her for planning the most unexpected suprise of my life. My boy showed up for dinner and drinks at the restaurant after graduation and I had NO Fucking CLUE! I will give the love credit to him, for making my graduation something that I will remember for all time. He really picked me off my feet in shock! I'm definately falling for him more now than I thought before.....no guy has ever done something like that! It just meant more than I think he even knows....but that's ok I only told him a zillion times this weekend how special he made my day for me.
P.S. He got us a hotel and we spent the weekend in each others arms. I guess love could be in my not-so-distant future, because seriously I think I just might love this one =)
Not to leave out the most fantastic time we had BBQing at my sisters on Saturday night. He such a sweetie, and Im putting my whole self out there into the universe just to see where this relationship will take me =)
Thursday, May 14, 2009
As the tide turns.
So yeah its been awhile, i know...
But damn have I been busy. Finishing school, working for the company and finding myself all over again. Just when I thought that it couldn't get any better it did, well of course after some minor mountains that I was dropped in front of to climb. I can honestly say that nearly 9 months after the brutal break-up my heart has finally started to mend. I always told myself that I was strong and that good things would come my way, but I guess I had one fatal flaw in my plan....I was trying too hard to get what I thought I wanted. See that beautiful picture down there...yup that's the 'boy' - well not really in age, he seven years older than me, but it just sounds cute and puts that gleaming smile on my face when I refer to him as that =)
I've known this guy for almost 2 years, and WoW - he has been part of many dreams. I don't even know what to say, its just that he is suspiciously perfect - but Im taking that for a ride and I don't know where it will lead me =)
I have always longed for something more from relationships but never knew what I really was looking for, if you get my drift. Then came him...his eyes light up the room and his smile gets me everytime. Oh, and I get butterflies in the pit of my stomach when i think of him. Who knows where this crazy journey will take me, but you will hear it first. I Promise =)
BTW - Crazy Ex (as he is now refered to in my phone) is moving on as well, THANK THE LORD! Maybe he will have less time to bother with what Im choosing to do in my life and focus on his, after all he fucked it all up. No blame on my shoulders, No regrets. It's the first kiss that means the most but when you can have that first kiss everytime you know what road needs to be burned and which road to follow. The 'Boy' and his kisses get me everytime, just like the very first that we shared =)
But damn have I been busy. Finishing school, working for the company and finding myself all over again. Just when I thought that it couldn't get any better it did, well of course after some minor mountains that I was dropped in front of to climb. I can honestly say that nearly 9 months after the brutal break-up my heart has finally started to mend. I always told myself that I was strong and that good things would come my way, but I guess I had one fatal flaw in my plan....I was trying too hard to get what I thought I wanted. See that beautiful picture down there...yup that's the 'boy' - well not really in age, he seven years older than me, but it just sounds cute and puts that gleaming smile on my face when I refer to him as that =)
I've known this guy for almost 2 years, and WoW - he has been part of many dreams. I don't even know what to say, its just that he is suspiciously perfect - but Im taking that for a ride and I don't know where it will lead me =)I have always longed for something more from relationships but never knew what I really was looking for, if you get my drift. Then came him...his eyes light up the room and his smile gets me everytime. Oh, and I get butterflies in the pit of my stomach when i think of him. Who knows where this crazy journey will take me, but you will hear it first. I Promise =)
BTW - Crazy Ex (as he is now refered to in my phone) is moving on as well, THANK THE LORD! Maybe he will have less time to bother with what Im choosing to do in my life and focus on his, after all he fucked it all up. No blame on my shoulders, No regrets. It's the first kiss that means the most but when you can have that first kiss everytime you know what road needs to be burned and which road to follow. The 'Boy' and his kisses get me everytime, just like the very first that we shared =)
Monday, April 13, 2009
Home Opener Numbness
For the first time ever I had one of those 'been there, done that' moments. I attended the Chicago Cubs Home Opener, and what an experiance it was! Most certainly one that I will remember for the rest of my life. Multi-layered clothing was a must, with the high temp in Chicago being 43 today! Still a pretty damn sweet time was had by both me and my mother. We talked, laughed, drank and slowly froze together.....oh and thawed out together on the way home. Highlight of the day, seeing Wrigley Field before the Ivy has had it's chance to creep up in the outfield!
As always the Chicago Style Hot Dog was thrilling, but the drafty wind and misty rain....not so much =(
I literally felt like I was at a Bears game, everyone was so bundled up and so close just to keep warm!
Basically I couldnt have asked for a more perfect way to start the baseball season, GO CUBS!
P.S. They beat the Rockies and WON!!!!
As always the Chicago Style Hot Dog was thrilling, but the drafty wind and misty rain....not so much =(
I literally felt like I was at a Bears game, everyone was so bundled up and so close just to keep warm!
Basically I couldnt have asked for a more perfect way to start the baseball season, GO CUBS!
P.S. They beat the Rockies and WON!!!!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
And were off.......
Yes. That's right baseball season, my favorite season thus far, is up and running! As a Chicagoian I am partial to my home teams, hands down!! The Chicago Cubs are my team of choice, but I won't spend hours knocking the rival team here because it's just plain annoying! I just love the rise in the temperatures that are associated with a good ol' fashioned game of baseball. Well with the exception of the past 48 hours......Snow, are you kidding me we had snow in April. It kind of ruins the mood when you wake up a few days into spring to a ground covered in white fluffy badness.
Now on to the topic of my dismay; Cubs vs. White Sox fans....both Chicago teams, but you would think we were from opposite ends of the earth. Now like I said earlier I will not bash the White Sox, I just need to vent and hopefully from this I can gain some sense of understanding of the human race.
I would love to live in a city where there is 1 baseball team! Of course there always will be that outsider who wasn't born and raised in Chicago who roots for the enemy. Or that single soul who has been following the Yankee's since birth but has always called Chicago their home.
The Cubs / Sox rivalry has gotten out of control! I can honestly say that I am very happy when the Sox win a game, but honestly is alot happier if the Cubs are on the same streak. Now on the latter side, die hard Sox fans are not the same. They would rather bask in their glory every step of the way and act like Cubs fans are rooting for some unknown invisable team.
My facebook homepage has blown up with the status changes today from Sox fans through out the opening day game today. People mimickin the announcers and acting so immature. Please tell me why I can be happy that my best friend's team won today, but get an attitude when I express my concern all the way up to the 8th inning. How dare she ask me if I have ever seen a Sox game in my life, of course I have I live in Chicago. Well maybe it's because she would rather lay on an operating table than go to good old Wrigley field with me.
GO CUBBIES!
Now on to the topic of my dismay; Cubs vs. White Sox fans....both Chicago teams, but you would think we were from opposite ends of the earth. Now like I said earlier I will not bash the White Sox, I just need to vent and hopefully from this I can gain some sense of understanding of the human race.
I would love to live in a city where there is 1 baseball team! Of course there always will be that outsider who wasn't born and raised in Chicago who roots for the enemy. Or that single soul who has been following the Yankee's since birth but has always called Chicago their home.
The Cubs / Sox rivalry has gotten out of control! I can honestly say that I am very happy when the Sox win a game, but honestly is alot happier if the Cubs are on the same streak. Now on the latter side, die hard Sox fans are not the same. They would rather bask in their glory every step of the way and act like Cubs fans are rooting for some unknown invisable team.
My facebook homepage has blown up with the status changes today from Sox fans through out the opening day game today. People mimickin the announcers and acting so immature. Please tell me why I can be happy that my best friend's team won today, but get an attitude when I express my concern all the way up to the 8th inning. How dare she ask me if I have ever seen a Sox game in my life, of course I have I live in Chicago. Well maybe it's because she would rather lay on an operating table than go to good old Wrigley field with me.
GO CUBBIES!
Friday, March 20, 2009
True Life: I wanted a New Phone
True Story too! I wanted one very badly, I mean I was on the brink of disaster with the old phone. Jesus, if anyone knows me I like to change things ALOT. I'm thinking that I might be on the verge of a problem, soo insead of dwelling on it Im just going to dismiss the feeling. No need to change it if I am happy, and not completly broke.
So anyways, I got a Palm Centro in August of last year, yea I know only 7 months ago, and I was sick of it. Thank got for some random upgrade option on my phone line, don't know where the heck it came from but I am NOT asking questions! Got my new phone!! Whoo Whoo!
I decided on an upgrade. The blackberry curve. It's Red, I would have preferred Black....oh well.
I am MADLY in love with my phone! I'm addicted to it like a fat kid is to cake, I mean seriously I might have to check myself into BA (Blackberry anonymous)!! Either that or quickly find some other device that gives me satisfaction before the crackberry takes over my life! I just can't understand how one handheld device can be so addicting, oh wait maybe it's because I have Facebook on it. Oops.
Oh well its a ton of fun and I look forward to my next call, text, or facebook message.....now if only i could figure out the twitter madness, I'd really be addicted!
Happy Friday!
So anyways, I got a Palm Centro in August of last year, yea I know only 7 months ago, and I was sick of it. Thank got for some random upgrade option on my phone line, don't know where the heck it came from but I am NOT asking questions! Got my new phone!! Whoo Whoo!
I decided on an upgrade. The blackberry curve. It's Red, I would have preferred Black....oh well.
I am MADLY in love with my phone! I'm addicted to it like a fat kid is to cake, I mean seriously I might have to check myself into BA (Blackberry anonymous)!! Either that or quickly find some other device that gives me satisfaction before the crackberry takes over my life! I just can't understand how one handheld device can be so addicting, oh wait maybe it's because I have Facebook on it. Oops.
Oh well its a ton of fun and I look forward to my next call, text, or facebook message.....now if only i could figure out the twitter madness, I'd really be addicted!
Happy Friday!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Set me free
Alot has changed over the last 9 months and I will be the first to admit there have been plenty of struggles, but ones that were well worth the fight. The last 4 or so weeks have been perfect in every way, I am Happy.
I think I am finally on the track of finding myself, not relying on other people to make me happy, I can do it alone!
This last weekend has been the roughest, I helped my sister move. She has moved into the most beautiful place, I am soooo happy for her! I have also been spending time with the ex, even though most people don't agree with it-it has been a blast! I realized last night that I have 5 months to enjoy what I have known for the last 25 years, and all I want is to have fun save some money and look forward to the future because I have no freaking clue what it is going to hold. Deep down I know what I want, I just don't have the complete satisfaction of knowing when, if, or even if it should happen. Time can only tell and until then as long as I have a constant smile on my face and worry about Me, Myself, and I - Life will be great!
I think I am finally on the track of finding myself, not relying on other people to make me happy, I can do it alone!
This last weekend has been the roughest, I helped my sister move. She has moved into the most beautiful place, I am soooo happy for her! I have also been spending time with the ex, even though most people don't agree with it-it has been a blast! I realized last night that I have 5 months to enjoy what I have known for the last 25 years, and all I want is to have fun save some money and look forward to the future because I have no freaking clue what it is going to hold. Deep down I know what I want, I just don't have the complete satisfaction of knowing when, if, or even if it should happen. Time can only tell and until then as long as I have a constant smile on my face and worry about Me, Myself, and I - Life will be great!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Learning to avoid to conquer
Our group at TFC - before the issues! Geezeee, I love the camera...Well as it is always said you are never too old to learn a new lesson in life. It's the truth. After a great weekend full of fun and exciting things on my agenda the fun came crashing down around me Saturday night. I'll admit now: I'm overly sensitive, I freak out easily and most of all I will always need my mother.
This past Saturday has taught me a lesson.
Here's what went down.
The four of us loaded up the SUV (Best friend, Brother, other Best Friends Boyfriend and I)
We drove across the Illinois state line to crappy ol' Indiana. Hammond to be exact. This was merely a repeat from months earlier. Been there done this was the case. We were all off to see a friend fight in the Total Fight Challenge and we were all super pumped to see him win again just as he did last October. I decided to be the DD and only consumed 2 beers while there. I got into an argument with my brother that needless to say ended badly, real bad. You see I am a compulsive planner and I just like to know when where and what all the time. I really don't see a problem with that apparently he did. A simple question turned into him yelling at me like he was my father. I would have none of that, I was done. The minute he started shouting obsenities to my face did it for me. I felt 15 again. I got up and walked away because no one, and I mean No One is going to talk to me like that. This is when my over sensitiveness kicked in at full speed. I realized that I let my feelings guide me to my phone, I dialed my mother because I just did not want to be there anymore. I didn't want to subject myself to anymore of that pain that I felt. Apparently I made it worse, and shit went down. He said some pretty mean things to me after finding out that I had made that phone call, and it didnt end there.
To make a long story shorter....no one came to get me
I had to be the bigger person and go sit back with him. He said nothing. I figured that silence was golden and it was going to blow over. Damn, I was wrong once again. Upon leaving I did NOT want to start a war so I kept my mouth shut and here is where I made one Very BAD decision.
I was too scared to argue with him about the keys and I didn't persuade him to let me drive like I know I very well should have done. I can't believe myself even now, I let him drive home intoxicated. So much for that good older sister that I tend to belive I am. I failed in the sibling department that night....Well seriously so did he.
All ended fine--meaning everyone got home safe and sound. He has only said a handful of words to me since Saturday and I am fine with that. What gets me is that he continued to drink after we returned back to Illinois and left me two nasty messages, One via text--One via voicemail. Which I didn't get until the morning. He hurt me.
From now on I'm going to do things different. I should have reversed my freakout moment to the parking lot toward the end of the night and made him give me his keys. I love him too much to see him get hurt, and that could have happened that night. I feel like it was my 'get outta jail free' card, and now it's expired. I need to learn to do the right things and not get scared or back down. That night could have easily turned out much worse for more than just me.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
My Malfunction
Dirty dishes has to be the worst possible event known to us humans and I am not even sure why I despise that task so much, I just know deep down how much it sucks. To be real; Its not like I have to lick off any extra food, I do have a faucet that does that type of dirty work. It's just that I cannot stand the fact that other peoples old uneaten food has the chance of touching my hands. It's purely gross.
To be frank, my leftover mess gives me the creeps too.
If I never had to touch a funky dirty plate / smuged up cocktail glass I would be in heaven.
Seriously I will cut back someother places in my life in order to have disposable EVERYTHING. Its so much more sanitary...I don't trust soap and water.
That brings me to the theory that laundry soap just makes clothes smell clean....they never are. That is the mear reason that I will NOT take out other peoples underwear out of the dryer. Even if I need to use the dryer really bad, I would rather wait than touch my fathers underware. Sick.
What is your Major Malfunction?
To be frank, my leftover mess gives me the creeps too.
If I never had to touch a funky dirty plate / smuged up cocktail glass I would be in heaven.
Seriously I will cut back someother places in my life in order to have disposable EVERYTHING. Its so much more sanitary...I don't trust soap and water.
That brings me to the theory that laundry soap just makes clothes smell clean....they never are. That is the mear reason that I will NOT take out other peoples underwear out of the dryer. Even if I need to use the dryer really bad, I would rather wait than touch my fathers underware. Sick.
What is your Major Malfunction?
Monday, February 23, 2009
11 days absent
Oh my! Over a week, and almost hitting the two week mark. This isn't like me =)
Things have been crazy good and I have not had a free moment to just sit still and blog away. I have thought alot about blogging lately and everytime I think of it there is no damn computer around. Except for the few decent drives I have taken to help out my dear sister in her packing adventures...my computer was there but I just don't think blogging and driving go hand in hand. Im Super excited to be going to WIU this weekend, even if it is only for a day! I am taking my Best Friend with and I'm pretty sure she is just as pumped!
Right now I feel like a chewed up and spit out piece of Bubble Yum. I have done so much, and even my car is feeling it. It's in the shop =( I should find out what the damage is soon-ish but I will be car-less for the next day or so and I hate that feeling. If I am dependant on any one thing, that would be it.
I depend more on my car than I do on myself.
Maybe I would be able to depend on myself and actually use my legs to get me around but not in this damn feverishly cold weather in Chicago. Yuck is the word.
I am going to try to have more 'ME' time and write everything that is on my mind. To a point.
Final words.
I hate...
Re-runs of One Tree Hill & Gossip Girl - I need my fix and I just ain't gettin' it!!!!
When I have cramps - Almost NEVER ever happens...this month, not so lucky.
Sleeping without the TV on - Whoever invented SleepTimers gets a cookie!
The City - I could give a rats ass about Whitney, tell them to stop it now!
Plans that fail
Waiting - FOR ANYTHING
doing laundry on Tuesdays - It's a Monday thing...I might have laundry OCD
Emotions - they ruin everything.
IKEA furnature that fails
Cold toes and fingers
People that put words in my mouth - I'm not a mime.
These sleepless nights.
Things have been crazy good and I have not had a free moment to just sit still and blog away. I have thought alot about blogging lately and everytime I think of it there is no damn computer around. Except for the few decent drives I have taken to help out my dear sister in her packing adventures...my computer was there but I just don't think blogging and driving go hand in hand. Im Super excited to be going to WIU this weekend, even if it is only for a day! I am taking my Best Friend with and I'm pretty sure she is just as pumped!
Right now I feel like a chewed up and spit out piece of Bubble Yum. I have done so much, and even my car is feeling it. It's in the shop =( I should find out what the damage is soon-ish but I will be car-less for the next day or so and I hate that feeling. If I am dependant on any one thing, that would be it.
I depend more on my car than I do on myself.
Maybe I would be able to depend on myself and actually use my legs to get me around but not in this damn feverishly cold weather in Chicago. Yuck is the word.
I am going to try to have more 'ME' time and write everything that is on my mind. To a point.
Final words.
I hate...
Re-runs of One Tree Hill & Gossip Girl - I need my fix and I just ain't gettin' it!!!!
When I have cramps - Almost NEVER ever happens...this month, not so lucky.
Sleeping without the TV on - Whoever invented SleepTimers gets a cookie!
The City - I could give a rats ass about Whitney, tell them to stop it now!
Plans that fail
Waiting - FOR ANYTHING
doing laundry on Tuesdays - It's a Monday thing...I might have laundry OCD
Emotions - they ruin everything.
IKEA furnature that fails
Cold toes and fingers
People that put words in my mouth - I'm not a mime.
These sleepless nights.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
2001
This was the year that I finished High School. Put on your time machine gear ladies and gentleman; we are going back in time. In about 4 short months, give or take a few priceless days, I hit the official 8 year mark in time. You never really realize how fast these years go. I am a facebook addict, I will openly admit it, and I recently found it intriguing to fill out some random note about the Senior Year at my old, but dear High School. It got me to thinking, why in hell did I want to get out of there so bad, things were so much simpler than, and Im not focusing on the simple pleasure of late arrivals, the whole shebang was easy. It did have its immediate drawbacks lying right with the huge number of caddy teenage girls that could sniff out drama like it was their job.
I was confronted with the question 'To go, or not to go to my High School Reunion'
For years I could answer this question without a breath of hesitation, now; Not so much. I never realized how much life could change in the blink of an eye and instantly be reminded of that change from a question that I was very assertive on last summer. I don't want to go, Not now. Not in the current state of life that I am in, I love High School but I think I would only love it if I could repeat it exactly the way it was. Attending a reunion isn't going to give me my teenage years back, it can't.
Oh, but if I could turn back time...I actually wouldnt have done anything differently. Some of my greatest memories reside between the year 1998 and 2001, and it doesnt get any better than that.
I was confronted with the question 'To go, or not to go to my High School Reunion'
For years I could answer this question without a breath of hesitation, now; Not so much. I never realized how much life could change in the blink of an eye and instantly be reminded of that change from a question that I was very assertive on last summer. I don't want to go, Not now. Not in the current state of life that I am in, I love High School but I think I would only love it if I could repeat it exactly the way it was. Attending a reunion isn't going to give me my teenage years back, it can't.
Oh, but if I could turn back time...I actually wouldnt have done anything differently. Some of my greatest memories reside between the year 1998 and 2001, and it doesnt get any better than that.
She who laughs last...
Today is the last day before Friday, could it get any better. Weeks are just flying by like mad monkeys that the Wicked Witch of the West summoned. Yesterday was Wednesday however and it was a normal Wacky Wednesday just as planned.
Nothing exciting all day...sleep-work-homework-then more work.
I did go out with one of the besties to the bar last night for a few drinks. He was there. Normally I would have gotten that awkward feeling in the pit of my stomach, just like I did a few weeks ago when we ran into each other, but not this time. I kinda 'outted' him. Oops!
I did a semi-half turn to my right and kinda glanced toward him just short of his eyes and said 'hello' to his two friends. Never made eye contact, I kinda felt rude....but I really don't know what else to do. It was funny, and I'm still laughing about it as I write this...
There is a VERY good chance that with the way that he portrays himself he doesn't even give a rats ass if I talked to him or not. I never broke that barrier to find out if we could even just be friends, I just pulled the tape and sealed that box shut. Tight!
I do care to some extent. Ehh, maybe I don't. Caring is for suckers, then those suckers get licked then tossed.
If I did indeed get the last laugh, my record will remain unscathed.
I won't have it any other way. I win!
Nothing exciting all day...sleep-work-homework-then more work.
I did go out with one of the besties to the bar last night for a few drinks. He was there. Normally I would have gotten that awkward feeling in the pit of my stomach, just like I did a few weeks ago when we ran into each other, but not this time. I kinda 'outted' him. Oops!
I did a semi-half turn to my right and kinda glanced toward him just short of his eyes and said 'hello' to his two friends. Never made eye contact, I kinda felt rude....but I really don't know what else to do. It was funny, and I'm still laughing about it as I write this...
There is a VERY good chance that with the way that he portrays himself he doesn't even give a rats ass if I talked to him or not. I never broke that barrier to find out if we could even just be friends, I just pulled the tape and sealed that box shut. Tight!
I do care to some extent. Ehh, maybe I don't. Caring is for suckers, then those suckers get licked then tossed.
If I did indeed get the last laugh, my record will remain unscathed.
I won't have it any other way. I win!
Monday, February 9, 2009
Evilness behind the sniffles.
I hate them.
In so many ways. The only thing that is worse than vomiting is a nose that is Bi-Polar, and that is exactly the phenomenon that kept me up for most of the night last night. One minute I'm constantly feeling that post nasal drip every 3 seconds; wiping or blowing. All that leads to is a sore protruding extremity right center of my face. That feeling of liquids oozing out of my nose is very unpleasant, and even more so when I question if it is actually going down while I'm having an intense conversation...Ugh.
Worse than constant drip page is the stuffed nose. Yup that's part two in my noses multiple personalities disorder. I find myself obsessed over blowing my nose, thinking that eventually after Kleenex 104 and the 104th action of blowing that everything up there would be free, and I would be able to breath again. Not so much, this shit multiplies by the millisecond and it's plain old sickening to me.
I will be probably one of the few but I really much rather be vomiting uncontrollably until I recess to dry heaves that can only last for so long.
I just feel like any issue that contains my nose = complete and utter dissatisfaction and makes me crazy.
Right now personality number two is coming forward, and I just cant get that damn oozing mucus to stop flowing. I mean seriously my nose is running like a fire hose attempting to put out a fire. Maybe I could save a dollhouse that is in utter despair with my nasal drippings.
This is cold Number 2 of the new year, and I am fed up.
In so many ways. The only thing that is worse than vomiting is a nose that is Bi-Polar, and that is exactly the phenomenon that kept me up for most of the night last night. One minute I'm constantly feeling that post nasal drip every 3 seconds; wiping or blowing. All that leads to is a sore protruding extremity right center of my face. That feeling of liquids oozing out of my nose is very unpleasant, and even more so when I question if it is actually going down while I'm having an intense conversation...Ugh.
Worse than constant drip page is the stuffed nose. Yup that's part two in my noses multiple personalities disorder. I find myself obsessed over blowing my nose, thinking that eventually after Kleenex 104 and the 104th action of blowing that everything up there would be free, and I would be able to breath again. Not so much, this shit multiplies by the millisecond and it's plain old sickening to me.
I will be probably one of the few but I really much rather be vomiting uncontrollably until I recess to dry heaves that can only last for so long.
I just feel like any issue that contains my nose = complete and utter dissatisfaction and makes me crazy.
Right now personality number two is coming forward, and I just cant get that damn oozing mucus to stop flowing. I mean seriously my nose is running like a fire hose attempting to put out a fire. Maybe I could save a dollhouse that is in utter despair with my nasal drippings.
This is cold Number 2 of the new year, and I am fed up.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Spectacular Mid-Week Anxiety Attack
Wednesday has passed, all the way to Friday....I guess I'm a little late in reporting my news. Its forgivable though after you hear the story you will understand why it's taken me more than 24 hours. Lol
Set up a movie date with my people. My sister, brother, best friend and her boy toy...Free movie tickets to see Taken...Go see it, trust me its better than the previews!! I agreed to pick up my sister and meet everyone else there just because I LOVE spending time with her, she's the best sister a girl could have. We also love to shop together so we went to the store. We had a pit-stop at the local Wal-Mart (yes, I'm not embarrassed to say I shop there...but I definitely don't buy my underwear there...ugh) This is the lucky place where I got the call.
Now you are probably wondering, what call?
If you have read past posts you should all know what call I got.
It was my dad.
Here was our convo:
Me: Hello
Dad: Hey what are you doing (He never gets right to the point)
Me: Shopping with my sister
Dad: Oh yea I forgot
Me: Thats natural, so what's up dad?
Dad:Oh Yes, are you expecting a letter from Western?
Me: Dad, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, YES....Um, I gotta go I will call you back I gotta call Aj to see if he will take care of this for me. Bye
Click-I did, I hung up on him....After all I was 35 miles from home shopping with my sister and I knew the only way that I was going to get that letter before midnight was to call my semi-close brother to pick it up.
Here's my next convo
Bro: Y-ellow
Me:Dumbass did you go to Mom's already?
Bro:Yeah why?
Me: Go back! Now get the mail, bring it to me!! I got something from Western...
Bro: Oh I didnt go to mom's house, I went to mom's work.
Me:Bitch...
Click-yup hung up on him too ;)
So I look at my sister and I swear all this happened in a matter of seconds, I really don't think that a minute had even passed. I was frantic. So now what. Wait 6 hours, or have the dad open the mail and read my fate to me over the distant cell phone waves. I decided to call, I remind my sister that this could either be good or bad...either I would be excited and making a fool of myself in Wal-Mart, or I would want to run and cry. Here goes nothing!
Dad: Storage Power Battery (he has my number programmed, he just does that sometimes pretending that its a customer calling....waste of time)
Me: Ok so AJ is not coming by the house before he meets up with us so can you open it please.
Dad: Sure....Um....give me a sec....
Me: Come on Dad hurry...
Dad: No I am looking for it, I think I misplaced it...
Me: What?? How could you do that, it's been like 67 seconds since I first talked to you
Dad: Oh here, it was buried....
So I can hear the opening of the envelope, that crackling sound that just made my hands start to shake and my heart start to pound. I want this...bad.
Dad: Congratulations you have been accepted!
Me: Oh My God, this is so exciting, Love ya bye.
I turn to my sister, and literally start jumping up and down in the aisle looking like a fool screaming "Yes Yes Yes I did it!!!!" She started jumping with me and that was the happiest that I have ever felt at 4:33pm.
I called everyone. I wanted to share that feeling of 1001 butterflies fluttering around in my stomach right away. Then I celebrated all night long. Movie, Margaritas, friends, family and it was spectacular.
Set up a movie date with my people. My sister, brother, best friend and her boy toy...Free movie tickets to see Taken...Go see it, trust me its better than the previews!! I agreed to pick up my sister and meet everyone else there just because I LOVE spending time with her, she's the best sister a girl could have. We also love to shop together so we went to the store. We had a pit-stop at the local Wal-Mart (yes, I'm not embarrassed to say I shop there...but I definitely don't buy my underwear there...ugh) This is the lucky place where I got the call.
Now you are probably wondering, what call?
If you have read past posts you should all know what call I got.
It was my dad.
Here was our convo:
Me: Hello
Dad: Hey what are you doing (He never gets right to the point)
Me: Shopping with my sister
Dad: Oh yea I forgot
Me: Thats natural, so what's up dad?
Dad:Oh Yes, are you expecting a letter from Western?
Me: Dad, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, YES....Um, I gotta go I will call you back I gotta call Aj to see if he will take care of this for me. Bye
Click-I did, I hung up on him....After all I was 35 miles from home shopping with my sister and I knew the only way that I was going to get that letter before midnight was to call my semi-close brother to pick it up.
Here's my next convo
Bro: Y-ellow
Me:Dumbass did you go to Mom's already?
Bro:Yeah why?
Me: Go back! Now get the mail, bring it to me!! I got something from Western...
Bro: Oh I didnt go to mom's house, I went to mom's work.
Me:Bitch...
Click-yup hung up on him too ;)
So I look at my sister and I swear all this happened in a matter of seconds, I really don't think that a minute had even passed. I was frantic. So now what. Wait 6 hours, or have the dad open the mail and read my fate to me over the distant cell phone waves. I decided to call, I remind my sister that this could either be good or bad...either I would be excited and making a fool of myself in Wal-Mart, or I would want to run and cry. Here goes nothing!
Dad: Storage Power Battery (he has my number programmed, he just does that sometimes pretending that its a customer calling....waste of time)
Me: Ok so AJ is not coming by the house before he meets up with us so can you open it please.
Dad: Sure....Um....give me a sec....
Me: Come on Dad hurry...
Dad: No I am looking for it, I think I misplaced it...
Me: What?? How could you do that, it's been like 67 seconds since I first talked to you
Dad: Oh here, it was buried....
So I can hear the opening of the envelope, that crackling sound that just made my hands start to shake and my heart start to pound. I want this...bad.
Dad: Congratulations you have been accepted!
Me: Oh My God, this is so exciting, Love ya bye.
I turn to my sister, and literally start jumping up and down in the aisle looking like a fool screaming "Yes Yes Yes I did it!!!!" She started jumping with me and that was the happiest that I have ever felt at 4:33pm.
I called everyone. I wanted to share that feeling of 1001 butterflies fluttering around in my stomach right away. Then I celebrated all night long. Movie, Margaritas, friends, family and it was spectacular.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Fast Forward!
My life is spiraling out of control, every where I turn around something new has come up! It's freakishly exciting!! Finally got the time to watch a movie with my excellent sister yesterday...
I have been waiting to see this movie - Nick and Norah's infinite playlist (amazing, go buy it now!)
It was cute, I laughed too which I really love to do!!
Movie night again tonight just at the actual theater this time. Going to see Taken, looks good, and free tickets are never passed up by me for a movie. Should be fun and enticing.
Nothing interesting going on. For real.
So I'll have to continue to bore you.....ahhhh
You'll read on anyways.
I have been out, about, and sprouting a rainbow alot this month....and it's only day 4. Kinda stressing me out a little bit. I haven't had time in 6 days now to relax and veg out alone in my bedroom. Sort of depressing, I NEED that time. It makes me whole just to interact with myself once and a while. Lol.
So big plans call for my attention!
Can we just skip V-day. Ugh...I don't even wanna think about my singleness...
It scares me.
So then after that weekend of emotional wreckage come the fun weekends. The 21st I will be out for a friends UFC type of thing. Yes I know him. He is fighting! Scary too. The last one was fun, and I hoping that he can get his second straight victory! I know me and the besties will be cheering him on!
Weekend next in line is the end of the month. God its gonna come bite me, it feels so soon...
Me and my sister are going to Western for the weekend. Yea!! Gonna do the sister thing and check stuff out with her. Maybe roam the bars, but I will def be visiting The Union....this gurl needs some more warm hoodies because I feel like this weather is gonna be cold for a while yet. Ugh....sorry I reminded myself, so I had to remind you ;)
Happy Wednesday!
I have been waiting to see this movie - Nick and Norah's infinite playlist (amazing, go buy it now!)
It was cute, I laughed too which I really love to do!!
Movie night again tonight just at the actual theater this time. Going to see Taken, looks good, and free tickets are never passed up by me for a movie. Should be fun and enticing.
Nothing interesting going on. For real.
So I'll have to continue to bore you.....ahhhh
You'll read on anyways.
I have been out, about, and sprouting a rainbow alot this month....and it's only day 4. Kinda stressing me out a little bit. I haven't had time in 6 days now to relax and veg out alone in my bedroom. Sort of depressing, I NEED that time. It makes me whole just to interact with myself once and a while. Lol.
So big plans call for my attention!
Can we just skip V-day. Ugh...I don't even wanna think about my singleness...
It scares me.
So then after that weekend of emotional wreckage come the fun weekends. The 21st I will be out for a friends UFC type of thing. Yes I know him. He is fighting! Scary too. The last one was fun, and I hoping that he can get his second straight victory! I know me and the besties will be cheering him on!
Weekend next in line is the end of the month. God its gonna come bite me, it feels so soon...
Me and my sister are going to Western for the weekend. Yea!! Gonna do the sister thing and check stuff out with her. Maybe roam the bars, but I will def be visiting The Union....this gurl needs some more warm hoodies because I feel like this weather is gonna be cold for a while yet. Ugh....sorry I reminded myself, so I had to remind you ;)
Happy Wednesday!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Fix me Please
Something is wrong with me, and no it's not the average--cold, flu, broken bone, toothache--it's much more that that. I am that girl, the one who needs some one, a single soul to confide in. That one person that I can tell everything to and not have to worry constantly that they are going to spread their lips wide open and splurge to the whole world. I've had that in the past but it's becoming a faded light in the distance, and I have no replacement.
Most commonly confiding in that friend that you spend 90% of time with would work, but yea that doesn't seem to work for me anymore. Everyone around me seems to be so consumed with me.
- Is Casey home? Is Casey Happy? Where is Casey? What is Casey doing that for? Can Casey really do that? -
Focused on me. Why? I am focused on me. I am happy. I like where my life is going, for real. I like to be spontaneous.
I know that everyone cares, but I feel like I am being smothered. Seriously.
I can handle everything that life throws at me, I have proven it time and time again, so why at the age of 25 is everyone so consumed over me.
So I'm not completely off the radar, I know they care. Trust me I know this, but is there a such thing as caring too much?
Feeling like is is very dis-heartening. It makes me want to run away from all the nonsence, and fly free. I am a very independant person; always have been, always will be. I have evolved into the girl I always knew I could be!
So please release the pressure, It's driving me insane.
Most commonly confiding in that friend that you spend 90% of time with would work, but yea that doesn't seem to work for me anymore. Everyone around me seems to be so consumed with me.
- Is Casey home? Is Casey Happy? Where is Casey? What is Casey doing that for? Can Casey really do that? -
Focused on me. Why? I am focused on me. I am happy. I like where my life is going, for real. I like to be spontaneous.
I know that everyone cares, but I feel like I am being smothered. Seriously.
I can handle everything that life throws at me, I have proven it time and time again, so why at the age of 25 is everyone so consumed over me.
So I'm not completely off the radar, I know they care. Trust me I know this, but is there a such thing as caring too much?
Feeling like is is very dis-heartening. It makes me want to run away from all the nonsence, and fly free. I am a very independant person; always have been, always will be. I have evolved into the girl I always knew I could be!
So please release the pressure, It's driving me insane.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Dance..Dance...Dance
Yesterday the day came.
Hip Hop Dance classes started :)
It was Super fun and definitely excersize worthy! After much time away from motivating activites this excersize was definitely what I needed to realize that I still do have muscles in my body. Some of the people were a little sketchy, and are Very intersting to me because I am a dedicated People Watcher! There were people of all walks of life participating in this class, some made me laugh ALOT more than others!!
A well deserved work out is nothing unless you can feel the burn, Oh and i felt it! I still do! I think I am going to like this for the next 6 weeks, a different change in pace. Sweet.
Hip Hop Dance classes started :)
It was Super fun and definitely excersize worthy! After much time away from motivating activites this excersize was definitely what I needed to realize that I still do have muscles in my body. Some of the people were a little sketchy, and are Very intersting to me because I am a dedicated People Watcher! There were people of all walks of life participating in this class, some made me laugh ALOT more than others!!
A well deserved work out is nothing unless you can feel the burn, Oh and i felt it! I still do! I think I am going to like this for the next 6 weeks, a different change in pace. Sweet.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
DramaFree - ForReal?
I'm convinced that I have much more to say in certain circumstances...
1-When I'm pissed.
True Story. I love letting it all out for all of the blog world to read, I am a walking bitch-fest when pissed off and writing it down always seems to give me some comfort. Usually in these situations I find my self roaring with sick emotions that are just screaming to get out. Strangly, this hasn't happened in a while. I'm starting to get scared.
2-Gossip!!!
Love it. Can't help it. There just are somethings that I feel need to be shared, yea I'll admit most of the time I share it because I'm intentionally trying to hurt someone. Now you know. Im a bitch. I do this and I am proud, but don't worry as long as you lead a normal human existance you won't be mentioned, ever! Now for those who seem to beat the system; especially when it personally affects me and my life....this gossip is dedicated to you!
3-When something truly romantical happens :)
Ha. Joke, I am not ever gonna be cinderella, I just really long to be treated like her. I'd even go as far as to say that I would appreciate it for 48 hours. Then drop me off back in the real world, and I'd be just peachy.....and I would have something Amazzzzing to write about....
4-Excitement!!!
Boring is my life, back again...nothing interesting happens to me. I have my limits though, I'm not looking to get hit by a car in the Wal-Mart parking lot; or to choke on a cheeseburger from Wendy's. I definitly do NOT want any out of the ordinary excitement, just the fun kind. You know the kind that you create yourself. Oh wait, this is all my fault....damn
Fine Im going to create excitement.....be scared!
I'm mentally road blocked and it's been going on longer than I would like. I NEED to write to survive. I feel like a lost toddler in Target, screaming for my mother.
"Where the fuck are my ideas. AHhhhhhhh!!!"
Back to life. What kind of excitement will I create. Tune in tomorrow to see what interesting events I have created....I never know where I will take myself!
Events coming up....Hip Hop Dance class starts Tomorrow!!! Bring on the moves, bitches!
1-When I'm pissed.
True Story. I love letting it all out for all of the blog world to read, I am a walking bitch-fest when pissed off and writing it down always seems to give me some comfort. Usually in these situations I find my self roaring with sick emotions that are just screaming to get out. Strangly, this hasn't happened in a while. I'm starting to get scared.
2-Gossip!!!
Love it. Can't help it. There just are somethings that I feel need to be shared, yea I'll admit most of the time I share it because I'm intentionally trying to hurt someone. Now you know. Im a bitch. I do this and I am proud, but don't worry as long as you lead a normal human existance you won't be mentioned, ever! Now for those who seem to beat the system; especially when it personally affects me and my life....this gossip is dedicated to you!
3-When something truly romantical happens :)
Ha. Joke, I am not ever gonna be cinderella, I just really long to be treated like her. I'd even go as far as to say that I would appreciate it for 48 hours. Then drop me off back in the real world, and I'd be just peachy.....and I would have something Amazzzzing to write about....
4-Excitement!!!
Boring is my life, back again...nothing interesting happens to me. I have my limits though, I'm not looking to get hit by a car in the Wal-Mart parking lot; or to choke on a cheeseburger from Wendy's. I definitly do NOT want any out of the ordinary excitement, just the fun kind. You know the kind that you create yourself. Oh wait, this is all my fault....damn
Fine Im going to create excitement.....be scared!
I'm mentally road blocked and it's been going on longer than I would like. I NEED to write to survive. I feel like a lost toddler in Target, screaming for my mother.
"Where the fuck are my ideas. AHhhhhhhh!!!"
Back to life. What kind of excitement will I create. Tune in tomorrow to see what interesting events I have created....I never know where I will take myself!
Events coming up....Hip Hop Dance class starts Tomorrow!!! Bring on the moves, bitches!
Friday, January 23, 2009
PrimeTime Tv...Rocks my socks!
Never really got into to many shows until the recent break-up, more time on my hands to let my addictive personality do what it does best. Get addicted!!
I am most certainly and over whelmingly addicted to Grey's Anatomy.
Love the people, love the episodes.
Most of all I love the things that I feel when I watch it. I barely get through a single episode without sheding a tear.
Sometimes life works in mysterious ways, and people start to doubt that there is a higher power that will help pull us through it all. This thursdays episode was just amazing....I could watch and re-watch it until I had no tears left to drop.
Moments in life are precious, I never want to take another one for granted. I love life and all the lessons that I'm learning along the way. To see Meredith cry made me realize that no matter what shell we have protecting us on the outside, there is never far to go in order to break it open and see us; Humans at our weakest point....That time when we realize that we are not immortal, we have feelings, and we hurt just like the next person. Showing real emotion is true.
I just wonder.
Is Izzy really sick? I love her...
I am most certainly and over whelmingly addicted to Grey's Anatomy.
Love the people, love the episodes.
Most of all I love the things that I feel when I watch it. I barely get through a single episode without sheding a tear.
Sometimes life works in mysterious ways, and people start to doubt that there is a higher power that will help pull us through it all. This thursdays episode was just amazing....I could watch and re-watch it until I had no tears left to drop.
Moments in life are precious, I never want to take another one for granted. I love life and all the lessons that I'm learning along the way. To see Meredith cry made me realize that no matter what shell we have protecting us on the outside, there is never far to go in order to break it open and see us; Humans at our weakest point....That time when we realize that we are not immortal, we have feelings, and we hurt just like the next person. Showing real emotion is true.
I just wonder.
Is Izzy really sick? I love her...
I've been slacking in the blog department.
No excuses, seriously...I have none.
Well except the fact that I can't think of anything even worth writing. The abnormal is starting to evolve into the normal, and its perplexing.
Well, decided to chop my hair off again. So much for trying the grow it out, I get impatient...very easily. When I want change, I want it now!
I've been surfing the net alot lately, browsing the college for the most part.
I have come to one positive conclusion, and the others are still up for debate. Once I get in, I am GOING....for sure, no turning back. That excites me!!!
On the other hand, dorms or no dorms......That is the reoccuring question.
I have kinda started this imaginary list in my head of pros and cons.
The whole point of doing this whole lifestyle change is to meet new people, socalize and finish school the right way. So here's what I have come up with in the case of living in the dorms!
Pro's
1) I would have a roommate, thus meeting 1 new person right away!
2) I would be more apt to being involved in school stuff, something I have wanted to do.
3) There is no 3....this is sad. ;(
Con's
1) Roommate could be an issue. Im compulsive. Enough said.
2) Size. Big one, my room now is the size of a dorm, and I ALONE freak out.
3) Size, yet again....where will my besties from home sleep during visiting times?
4)It would be much more fun off campus with the whole drinking thing.
5) In addition to the drinking thing, what if my roommate is under 21, yuck.
6)Shared bathrooms, yuck to the 1672628 degree! Seriously now, Its like a phobia..or somethin
7) Looks like it will be more expensive to stay in the tiny room.
I swear I am some kind of extraterrestrial, all I think about is this. Over and over, and over again! I have been obsessed with it all since applying.
I just realized how much I like lists, many more to come!
Maybe I have ADD.
No excuses, seriously...I have none.
Well except the fact that I can't think of anything even worth writing. The abnormal is starting to evolve into the normal, and its perplexing.
Well, decided to chop my hair off again. So much for trying the grow it out, I get impatient...very easily. When I want change, I want it now!
I've been surfing the net alot lately, browsing the college for the most part.
I have come to one positive conclusion, and the others are still up for debate. Once I get in, I am GOING....for sure, no turning back. That excites me!!!
On the other hand, dorms or no dorms......That is the reoccuring question.
I have kinda started this imaginary list in my head of pros and cons.
The whole point of doing this whole lifestyle change is to meet new people, socalize and finish school the right way. So here's what I have come up with in the case of living in the dorms!
Pro's
1) I would have a roommate, thus meeting 1 new person right away!
2) I would be more apt to being involved in school stuff, something I have wanted to do.
3) There is no 3....this is sad. ;(
Con's
1) Roommate could be an issue. Im compulsive. Enough said.
2) Size. Big one, my room now is the size of a dorm, and I ALONE freak out.
3) Size, yet again....where will my besties from home sleep during visiting times?
4)It would be much more fun off campus with the whole drinking thing.
5) In addition to the drinking thing, what if my roommate is under 21, yuck.
6)Shared bathrooms, yuck to the 1672628 degree! Seriously now, Its like a phobia..or somethin
7) Looks like it will be more expensive to stay in the tiny room.
I swear I am some kind of extraterrestrial, all I think about is this. Over and over, and over again! I have been obsessed with it all since applying.
I just realized how much I like lists, many more to come!
Maybe I have ADD.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
WetLanding.
With the way that the world seems to be flooding itself with hate and immorality its nice to see the latter--
Chesley Sullenberger made an emergency landing look like he was graciously attempting to make a pirouette on the Hudson River. With his experiance he saved lives today and that is something we should remember.
However the good things never seem to stick around in our minds, Mr. Sullenberger will have his 30 minutes in fame, and before we get to 15 minutes he's already been forgotten about by more than 1/3 of the nation. But half of that 1/3 never ever hears about this heroic attempt anyways. If it would have been what almost all American's dreaded (a glimpse of what was.....almost 8 years ago.) 8 years later we would still remember.
Here's my shout out to you Mr. Sullenberger, although most won't hear it.
Thank you for being who you are, you are a life saver now and forever in my eyes. It's good people like you who deserve to be bombarded with greatness ;)
DramaQueen Interview
Other than writing, my other favorite passion is reading but not reading the average book! I find it more interesting to read about everyone else.....Through that passion I have found some amazing bloggers - The High-Heel Diaries - that I read religiously. So I took part in her interview, so take part in mine!
1.) What is your most favorite blog post that you've written? Why is this your favorite? (provide a link to the post)
This link below is to my most Favorite blog. I would deem it as my fav because it is all about guys, and a few days ago I realized that without guys I'd be a basket-case! It must be my boy crazy days taking over in my twenties. Anyways--it's also a (I hope he reads this) type of blog.....lol Im too scared to tell him myself how I really feel so I hoped he'd read it and understand.
http://justcasey-somethingelse.blogspot.com/2009/01/cue-sad-sappy-music-i-need-it.html
2.) If you could be any age again, what age would you be? Why?
Ohhhh! I would most def be 22 again! 21 was too young and too immature, I feel like I matured enough by 22 and realized that I am making the rest of my life. I would do things ALOT differently if I got to do it again. I wouldn't have let him break my heart, I would have jumped off the moving train for something that caught my eye!
3.) What is your biggest pet-peeve?
Biggest and most annoying -- hypocrites!!! I hate people who trash talk one thing and then the next week they are engaging in that same crappy situtation....I don't get it. Never will.
4.) If you had a choice to be best friends with LC from the Hills or Blair from Gossip Girl, who would you choose?
Ahhh, Seriously I have to choose?? Ok, wait....fine Blair. Just minus the whole Chuck thing because he totally grosses me out something awful!
5.) Tell one thing you've learned about men that you feel every woman should know.
To put it bluntly I think men are and will always be child-ish. Don't try to change them, it makes it worse!
Okay, so if you want to be interviewed, just follow the instructions below. Be sure to include your e-mail address though. I'm not psychic.
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions. (How exciting!!)
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
1.) What is your most favorite blog post that you've written? Why is this your favorite? (provide a link to the post)
This link below is to my most Favorite blog. I would deem it as my fav because it is all about guys, and a few days ago I realized that without guys I'd be a basket-case! It must be my boy crazy days taking over in my twenties. Anyways--it's also a (I hope he reads this) type of blog.....lol Im too scared to tell him myself how I really feel so I hoped he'd read it and understand.
http://justcasey-somethingelse.blogspot.com/2009/01/cue-sad-sappy-music-i-need-it.html
2.) If you could be any age again, what age would you be? Why?
Ohhhh! I would most def be 22 again! 21 was too young and too immature, I feel like I matured enough by 22 and realized that I am making the rest of my life. I would do things ALOT differently if I got to do it again. I wouldn't have let him break my heart, I would have jumped off the moving train for something that caught my eye!
3.) What is your biggest pet-peeve?
Biggest and most annoying -- hypocrites!!! I hate people who trash talk one thing and then the next week they are engaging in that same crappy situtation....I don't get it. Never will.
4.) If you had a choice to be best friends with LC from the Hills or Blair from Gossip Girl, who would you choose?
Ahhh, Seriously I have to choose?? Ok, wait....fine Blair. Just minus the whole Chuck thing because he totally grosses me out something awful!
5.) Tell one thing you've learned about men that you feel every woman should know.
To put it bluntly I think men are and will always be child-ish. Don't try to change them, it makes it worse!
Okay, so if you want to be interviewed, just follow the instructions below. Be sure to include your e-mail address though. I'm not psychic.
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions. (How exciting!!)
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Im blushing.....
Seriously guys an award for me? This is a new guilty pleasure for me and on top of it people actually like me enough to keep coming back to read about my crazy tails of adventure and my woes of love. Flattering, Thanks!!
So..With that said I'm finally passing on my lemonade award as the rules specify. Here are ten wonderful and individually cool blogs that I enjoy and have become a part of my everyday reads. Please take the time to visit.
So..With that said I'm finally passing on my lemonade award as the rules specify. Here are ten wonderful and individually cool blogs that I enjoy and have become a part of my everyday reads. Please take the time to visit.
1. Right back at you nominee!! http://lovehappinessmadness.blogspot.com/
10. Drama Queen
ONCE YOU'VE BEEN AWARDED, THE RULES ARE:
1. Thank the person who was so thoughtful for giving you this award by linking their blog to this post.
2. Put the logo on your blog or post.
3. Nominate 10 blogs which show great attitude/gratitude.
4. Link your nominee to your post.
5. Comment them to tell them about the award they've won.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Expect the unexpected
Ever since last November (my 1 and only visit to Western Illinois University ) I have been playing around with the idea to further my education past just the plain old associates degree. At first it was a slam-dunk idea, and then I started to question myself.
Could I handle being hours away from my family/friends?
Could I live with random twenty-somethings in a college town?
Would I live alone?
How often would people visit?
Is this the right thing to do at the age of 25?
Will I survive?
The last one is by far the most important to me because I am not a quitter. Once I start something I feel the need to follow it through until the end. Everyone knows this about me, but I am legitiamly afraid that I would throw in the towel the first week I feel alone. Basically, I don't handle the alone thing well at all, so it would be rough.
Am I ready for a new journey in life or should I just be happy that I was the only child that will be able to say I graduated from college, even if its just from the dinky community college?
This has been on my mind non-stop, so I made a decision.
Apply!
We will see if I get accepted and if I do I will decide then if it is really what I want to do.
If seems like fun, but I am a hard one to please.
Could I handle being hours away from my family/friends?
Could I live with random twenty-somethings in a college town?
Would I live alone?
How often would people visit?
Is this the right thing to do at the age of 25?
Will I survive?
The last one is by far the most important to me because I am not a quitter. Once I start something I feel the need to follow it through until the end. Everyone knows this about me, but I am legitiamly afraid that I would throw in the towel the first week I feel alone. Basically, I don't handle the alone thing well at all, so it would be rough.
Am I ready for a new journey in life or should I just be happy that I was the only child that will be able to say I graduated from college, even if its just from the dinky community college?
This has been on my mind non-stop, so I made a decision.
Apply!
We will see if I get accepted and if I do I will decide then if it is really what I want to do.
If seems like fun, but I am a hard one to please.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Incidents without Inflation
That's correct my entire day was ruined. Scratch that, most of the day, but I can deal. By who, I don't even fucking know...but If I did they wouldn't dare come near me because technically I'm still steaming mad!! Bad news yesterday, ok fine just sad news; but I still managed to wake up in a semi-decent mood. Agreed to bundle up and tackle the terrible task of shoveling the snow that decided to land on the driveway.
Fine.
2 pairs of socks - Check!!
2 pairs of pants - Check!!
3 shirts - Check!!!
Gloves, scarf, mittens - Check!!!
Coat - Check!
Boots - Check!
I was ready. More prepared for a thundersnow than the mear 4 inches that had accumulated but, eh fuck it.
Things were going swimmingly, as I slowly moved the vehicles out of my way. Thanks to my wonderful father, he helped ;)
Then the unthinkable happened. He couldn't move my car out of the driveway! I was so pissed, standing there waiting. waiting. waiting for him to move outta my way.
I wait some more, then glance toward the untractionable tires...both the driver side tires were FLAT. I mean as flat as pancakes that your blind grandmother burnt. I mosy on over to the opposite side, WTF? Those two are in just the same condition. It can't be moved. I'm seriously freaking out.
Who the hell would mess with me, by birth I'm a Gemini.....not someone that you want to mess with, For Real. Especially not this gemini!
Slashed, I don't think so.
Ah, I'll try to fill them up as a sort of test. The squeaky rusty bicycle pump just isn't cutting it, but after 20 minutes I asses the situation and it seems to be working. No way am I going to carry on with the SRBP, forget it. Find me a compressor to do the work for me.
Found one. Fix the inflation problem 3 hours later.
Word to the wise.
Leave me alone.
and I think I have an idea who did it. If you did screw yourself. Remember just like bros, us hoes stick together too. She was always my friend, you were his. You flirt with me, I will tell....I'm not That Girl, not in this situation you punk ass. Don't lie or try to mess with me because you are a dumb ass man who can't seem think with the correct head. Your fault 115%..Not mine.
Fine.
2 pairs of socks - Check!!
2 pairs of pants - Check!!
3 shirts - Check!!!
Gloves, scarf, mittens - Check!!!
Coat - Check!
Boots - Check!
I was ready. More prepared for a thundersnow than the mear 4 inches that had accumulated but, eh fuck it.
Things were going swimmingly, as I slowly moved the vehicles out of my way. Thanks to my wonderful father, he helped ;)
Then the unthinkable happened. He couldn't move my car out of the driveway! I was so pissed, standing there waiting. waiting. waiting for him to move outta my way.
I wait some more, then glance toward the untractionable tires...both the driver side tires were FLAT. I mean as flat as pancakes that your blind grandmother burnt. I mosy on over to the opposite side, WTF? Those two are in just the same condition. It can't be moved. I'm seriously freaking out.
Who the hell would mess with me, by birth I'm a Gemini.....not someone that you want to mess with, For Real. Especially not this gemini!
Slashed, I don't think so.
Ah, I'll try to fill them up as a sort of test. The squeaky rusty bicycle pump just isn't cutting it, but after 20 minutes I asses the situation and it seems to be working. No way am I going to carry on with the SRBP, forget it. Find me a compressor to do the work for me.
Found one. Fix the inflation problem 3 hours later.
Word to the wise.
Leave me alone.
and I think I have an idea who did it. If you did screw yourself. Remember just like bros, us hoes stick together too. She was always my friend, you were his. You flirt with me, I will tell....I'm not That Girl, not in this situation you punk ass. Don't lie or try to mess with me because you are a dumb ass man who can't seem think with the correct head. Your fault 115%..Not mine.
Friday, January 9, 2009
What protects my heart?
Cue the sad sappy music, I need it.
So since the end of my 9 year relationship, I've been working hard on moving on and moving up. Can't say that 6 months has brought me any luck though, some sad news came about today.
So there have been a few, ok only 2 guys that have caught my interest in the past 6 months. This girl is definitely guilty of being roped in by emotions and that first encounter. First guy kinda stomped on my heart, yet in the long run he's a really GREAT guy and any girl would be lucky to have him. He was the first, he stole my heart! After only being single for 25 days, I made my first attempt to go out, mingle and meet new people. Great idea, because some really great friends have come from that choice I made.
I met him, seriously the first time I met him I swear I didn't say more than 'Oh hi'....I wasn't in the friendly mood, I felt forced.
Soon after that I became more aquaint with the bars and the people I was seeing, and I ran into him again. He caught my eye this time, and we talked. Such a sweetie. If anyone knows me, I am a sucker for these guys.....
As the night went on we got closer and eventually got the nerve to swap numbers. Not like our mutual friends couldn't have done it for us, but it was like a HUGE step for me. I, Casey, actually gave my legitimate number out to a guy. Floored, I still am!!!
We talked, hung out, confessed that we like each other.......then things got wierd. He still to this day is convinced that I want a relationship, but in all reality I was looking to get to know him better.
I have been known to be the clingy type, well who couldnt see that.....For real I was in a 9 year relationship!!!
So we're friends, so I think.
Then came him. Oh I have had a thing for him since the day I met him, but I was in a relationship.......
We ran into each other and I was convinced he would have no fucking clue who I was. After all that's how it always was, no one remembered me, just my friends.
So I decided to be bold (Not me at all!!) and I went up to him.
I said "Oh I remember you! Do you remember me?" totally expecting to have to go through this long ordeal about how I met him, where when and how..
T says "Yea, you came to my house with you're friend right?"
I was GLOWING! He remembered who I was from like 3 years ago.
We exchanged numbers.
I blew him off a few times, not because there was anything wrong with him, I just freaked out. My biggest fear now lied in the hands of my own friends. I did NOT want to go out with a guy alone, especially for the first time. (If I could take anything back it would be this, I wish I wouldnt have done that, and grew some balls and maybe now he would actually know how I feel about him)
Eventually me and T hang out, actually on Sweetest Day! Ironic, Yes! He was a complete gentleman and I hung out with him and a few friends. I was Completly comfortable and happy. OMG, did I just say that I was happy?
We talk, and I guess I kinda got to know him. He sent me this really cute picture of him and his daughter a few weeks ago and I was kinda weary. Why was he sending this to me? Kinda threw me for a loop, and then we kinda got distant. He got sick, and then like clockwork so did I.....
Not from him either....
So today after not talking to him for a few days, and not seeing him since the day I returned from Vegas....Um December 15th!......I decided to shoot him a text while he was at work.
Through some texting I find out that he quit his job today. Not what I wanted to hear, because deep down I knew what that meant.
You see a few weeks back we talked about his new prospect of a job he applied to. If he were to get accepted he would be moving.....See where my sadness comes in?
So I tried hard to pretend I didnt assume that he had gotten the job, I played it off saying 'Seriously?" and when he replied "Yeah", I knew what I had to say next.
"So you got the job huh?" and naturally he said "Yes!"
Don't get me wrong I am Super excited for him. I told him a few weeks, or a month or so ago...
"If you get the job I will be happy for you but if you don't I'll be happy that you stay here in Illinois with me!"
So I am happy, just sad too. Just meeting him one random night at a bar, I thought maybe for a few weeks that it meant something. Maybe it still does.
He's a good guy. He never wanted to hurt me, but I'm pretty sure he will never forget me!
Here's to you "T" ~ CONGRATS from the heart, you deserve it! ~Xoxo Casey
So since the end of my 9 year relationship, I've been working hard on moving on and moving up. Can't say that 6 months has brought me any luck though, some sad news came about today.
So there have been a few, ok only 2 guys that have caught my interest in the past 6 months. This girl is definitely guilty of being roped in by emotions and that first encounter. First guy kinda stomped on my heart, yet in the long run he's a really GREAT guy and any girl would be lucky to have him. He was the first, he stole my heart! After only being single for 25 days, I made my first attempt to go out, mingle and meet new people. Great idea, because some really great friends have come from that choice I made.
I met him, seriously the first time I met him I swear I didn't say more than 'Oh hi'....I wasn't in the friendly mood, I felt forced.
Soon after that I became more aquaint with the bars and the people I was seeing, and I ran into him again. He caught my eye this time, and we talked. Such a sweetie. If anyone knows me, I am a sucker for these guys.....
As the night went on we got closer and eventually got the nerve to swap numbers. Not like our mutual friends couldn't have done it for us, but it was like a HUGE step for me. I, Casey, actually gave my legitimate number out to a guy. Floored, I still am!!!
We talked, hung out, confessed that we like each other.......then things got wierd. He still to this day is convinced that I want a relationship, but in all reality I was looking to get to know him better.
I have been known to be the clingy type, well who couldnt see that.....For real I was in a 9 year relationship!!!
So we're friends, so I think.
Then came him. Oh I have had a thing for him since the day I met him, but I was in a relationship.......
We ran into each other and I was convinced he would have no fucking clue who I was. After all that's how it always was, no one remembered me, just my friends.
So I decided to be bold (Not me at all!!) and I went up to him.
I said "Oh I remember you! Do you remember me?" totally expecting to have to go through this long ordeal about how I met him, where when and how..
T says "Yea, you came to my house with you're friend right?"
I was GLOWING! He remembered who I was from like 3 years ago.
We exchanged numbers.
I blew him off a few times, not because there was anything wrong with him, I just freaked out. My biggest fear now lied in the hands of my own friends. I did NOT want to go out with a guy alone, especially for the first time. (If I could take anything back it would be this, I wish I wouldnt have done that, and grew some balls and maybe now he would actually know how I feel about him)
Eventually me and T hang out, actually on Sweetest Day! Ironic, Yes! He was a complete gentleman and I hung out with him and a few friends. I was Completly comfortable and happy. OMG, did I just say that I was happy?
We talk, and I guess I kinda got to know him. He sent me this really cute picture of him and his daughter a few weeks ago and I was kinda weary. Why was he sending this to me? Kinda threw me for a loop, and then we kinda got distant. He got sick, and then like clockwork so did I.....
Not from him either....
So today after not talking to him for a few days, and not seeing him since the day I returned from Vegas....Um December 15th!......I decided to shoot him a text while he was at work.
Through some texting I find out that he quit his job today. Not what I wanted to hear, because deep down I knew what that meant.
You see a few weeks back we talked about his new prospect of a job he applied to. If he were to get accepted he would be moving.....See where my sadness comes in?
So I tried hard to pretend I didnt assume that he had gotten the job, I played it off saying 'Seriously?" and when he replied "Yeah", I knew what I had to say next.
"So you got the job huh?" and naturally he said "Yes!"
Don't get me wrong I am Super excited for him. I told him a few weeks, or a month or so ago...
"If you get the job I will be happy for you but if you don't I'll be happy that you stay here in Illinois with me!"
So I am happy, just sad too. Just meeting him one random night at a bar, I thought maybe for a few weeks that it meant something. Maybe it still does.
He's a good guy. He never wanted to hurt me, but I'm pretty sure he will never forget me!
Here's to you "T" ~ CONGRATS from the heart, you deserve it! ~Xoxo Casey
You need a life - Oh Make it a Venti
Some people just rattle my cage to the core. It disgusts me everyday - watching those peering eyes stare me down like they are undressing my mind. The constant words of overwhelming concern, or the look of disapproval makes me ill. That shadow-y figure creeping up behind me, I quickly glance back....it's gone, so tricky. You can't fool me I know you're there, I'll catch you just wait and fucking see.
So how many of them are out there, millions upon millions upon zillions! I'm quite sure they don't lead the perfect 'Brady' life so why dollop in mine. There are two things that I am well aware of by now, and I don't need someone to tell it to me. As a matter of fact I'll tell it to you....I'm not crazy I just want happiness to rain down on me.
1)I am NOT perfect, I make mistakes; sometimes I have bad judgement; sometimes I fall for the wrong guys; sometimes I regret the words that come out of my mouth; and even sometimes I feel like a failure. As I see it, if I didn't make the mistakes or the bad decisions where would I be, I'd be fucking clueless about life that's for goddamn sure. I'd be some sort of sheltered home body that thinks that everything out there is perfect and peachy. So that's okay with me, not being perfect and all, because it makes me who I am - not some clone trying to be someone else.
2)I am PERFECTLY happy just the way I am. So what if I want FWB, is it any of your business to tell me I can't. I just got out of a 9 year fucking relationship - yea I'm only 25- so since 16 I've been with one guy (don't get me wrong it was amazing while it lasted...) so is it too much for a girl to just want to have some fun? Bullshit stories and pretending that you care is too much for me, I wanted to be your friend not your over protected daughter. I also know that the one that I want has made it perfectly clear that he hates relationships, fine by me - you really think I'm head over heels ready for a relationship- Relationships take work, and I cannot fathom the idea of work right now, the less effort I have to put in the better it is for me. After all this is all about me, isn't it?
So to all you know-it-all's:
Take 2, no no no, Take 4 steps back and take a peek at the unnecessary drama that you are causing. Trust me I see both sides, I understand that people can care about me the way I care about myself. I just don't want the opinions flying around me like a tattered kite. Trust me if I'm in trouble, I'll ask for advice!!
Keep your mouths laced-your ideas grounded-and most of all your looks of disapproval to your self.
Friends are not poison, so why do I feel an uneasy sickness around you....are you the one who is slowly trying to kill me? Don't ruin a perfectly good thing with your ideas, friends don't let friends conspire against one another.
I do what I want!
So how many of them are out there, millions upon millions upon zillions! I'm quite sure they don't lead the perfect 'Brady' life so why dollop in mine. There are two things that I am well aware of by now, and I don't need someone to tell it to me. As a matter of fact I'll tell it to you....I'm not crazy I just want happiness to rain down on me.
1)I am NOT perfect, I make mistakes; sometimes I have bad judgement; sometimes I fall for the wrong guys; sometimes I regret the words that come out of my mouth; and even sometimes I feel like a failure. As I see it, if I didn't make the mistakes or the bad decisions where would I be, I'd be fucking clueless about life that's for goddamn sure. I'd be some sort of sheltered home body that thinks that everything out there is perfect and peachy. So that's okay with me, not being perfect and all, because it makes me who I am - not some clone trying to be someone else.
2)I am PERFECTLY happy just the way I am. So what if I want FWB, is it any of your business to tell me I can't. I just got out of a 9 year fucking relationship - yea I'm only 25- so since 16 I've been with one guy (don't get me wrong it was amazing while it lasted...) so is it too much for a girl to just want to have some fun? Bullshit stories and pretending that you care is too much for me, I wanted to be your friend not your over protected daughter. I also know that the one that I want has made it perfectly clear that he hates relationships, fine by me - you really think I'm head over heels ready for a relationship- Relationships take work, and I cannot fathom the idea of work right now, the less effort I have to put in the better it is for me. After all this is all about me, isn't it?
So to all you know-it-all's:
Take 2, no no no, Take 4 steps back and take a peek at the unnecessary drama that you are causing. Trust me I see both sides, I understand that people can care about me the way I care about myself. I just don't want the opinions flying around me like a tattered kite. Trust me if I'm in trouble, I'll ask for advice!!
Keep your mouths laced-your ideas grounded-and most of all your looks of disapproval to your self.
Friends are not poison, so why do I feel an uneasy sickness around you....are you the one who is slowly trying to kill me? Don't ruin a perfectly good thing with your ideas, friends don't let friends conspire against one another.
I do what I want!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
MyLife-YourEntertainment
Horoscopes are tricky mind games to me. For the most part I try to sneak a peak at mine at least once a week. Anymore than that and I start to over analyze every single aspect of my life. Not good. At All.
Don't get me wrong I'm not Really a true believer, sometimes these seem just as fake as my 'Oh so perfect' Coach purse. I read on. Curious, yup that's me!!!
Today's horoscope blew me out of the water and spoke to me, how true it is!
Now you, Go ahead Read on:
Your emotions blow one way and then another, like the winds on a spring day. Although it can be fun to fly your thoughts as if they were kites, you never know when a sudden shift will cause a great idea to come crashing down to the ground. Enjoy the variety of possibilities that pop into consciousness, but don't tie your survival to any single direction until you have more time to think.
Oh gosh, yes it is correct! My emotions are just as wishy washy as my mom everynight of the week. Heck yes, this time it's speaking directly to me as a Gemini (and I do have an evil twin....). Rather perplexing to other people but I love my random swing of emotion, its bliss! The end is the scary part...How can I have so much enjoyment from my blossoming emotions yet try to highlight one that will come crashing down on me. That just can't be, I need direction. I need to know how everything is going to work out.
That's when it hit me. (ha..That's what she said!)
I am a complex emotionally unstable control freak.
If it's not in my power to change or fix, I'm throwing a down on the ground child-like fit. I feel fine, so why fix what's not broken.
Screw you Horoscope.
I do what I want!
Don't get me wrong I'm not Really a true believer, sometimes these seem just as fake as my 'Oh so perfect' Coach purse. I read on. Curious, yup that's me!!!
Today's horoscope blew me out of the water and spoke to me, how true it is!
Now you, Go ahead Read on:
Your emotions blow one way and then another, like the winds on a spring day. Although it can be fun to fly your thoughts as if they were kites, you never know when a sudden shift will cause a great idea to come crashing down to the ground. Enjoy the variety of possibilities that pop into consciousness, but don't tie your survival to any single direction until you have more time to think.
Oh gosh, yes it is correct! My emotions are just as wishy washy as my mom everynight of the week. Heck yes, this time it's speaking directly to me as a Gemini (and I do have an evil twin....). Rather perplexing to other people but I love my random swing of emotion, its bliss! The end is the scary part...How can I have so much enjoyment from my blossoming emotions yet try to highlight one that will come crashing down on me. That just can't be, I need direction. I need to know how everything is going to work out.
That's when it hit me. (ha..That's what she said!)
I am a complex emotionally unstable control freak.
If it's not in my power to change or fix, I'm throwing a down on the ground child-like fit. I feel fine, so why fix what's not broken.
Screw you Horoscope.
I do what I want!
From a fellow blogger....
I am seriously consciously awake, but can't seem to log off the computer, I need serious help....Until then Answer me these questions.
Feel free to post them on your own blog with personal answers, I'll read them!!
1. Why do you keep a blog? To keep occupied is the number 1 reason!! Next, tho, seriously I need somewhere to be able to talk about the things happening to me. Partly so I know that they are real, and the other part so someone agrees with me. Legality is half the battle.
2. Who is one long lost blogger you wish would come back? I haven't been doing this that long, so I'm not too sure. I have run into some pretty amazing posts tho!
3. If you made a New Year's Resolution, did you break it already? If you did not make one, why?
I did NOT break it!!! I am Super proud, trust me if you know me personally, you will be the first to know. I haven't smoked a cancer stick in 7 whole day! I am really attempting to battle this demon! If not now then when?
4. People who still have their outside Christmas lights up. Festive or Lazy? Discuss.
Oh its laziness. I don't care what anyone else says, take down the lights already!!! The annoyance of Christmas lights lasts long enough for me to get bored. You should too!
5. What is the last annoying song that got trapped in your head? Really nothing
6. Have you ever worn or tried edible underwear? What are your thoughts on it?
That's sick. No further comment.
Bonus: If you could do one bad thing and get away with it, what would you do and why?
I'm a Republican. All the way
Take down Obama, and I would be as happy as a young girl in a candy store!
Feel free to post them on your own blog with personal answers, I'll read them!!
1. Why do you keep a blog? To keep occupied is the number 1 reason!! Next, tho, seriously I need somewhere to be able to talk about the things happening to me. Partly so I know that they are real, and the other part so someone agrees with me. Legality is half the battle.
2. Who is one long lost blogger you wish would come back? I haven't been doing this that long, so I'm not too sure. I have run into some pretty amazing posts tho!
3. If you made a New Year's Resolution, did you break it already? If you did not make one, why?
I did NOT break it!!! I am Super proud, trust me if you know me personally, you will be the first to know. I haven't smoked a cancer stick in 7 whole day! I am really attempting to battle this demon! If not now then when?
4. People who still have their outside Christmas lights up. Festive or Lazy? Discuss.
Oh its laziness. I don't care what anyone else says, take down the lights already!!! The annoyance of Christmas lights lasts long enough for me to get bored. You should too!
5. What is the last annoying song that got trapped in your head? Really nothing
6. Have you ever worn or tried edible underwear? What are your thoughts on it?
That's sick. No further comment.
Bonus: If you could do one bad thing and get away with it, what would you do and why?
I'm a Republican. All the way
Take down Obama, and I would be as happy as a young girl in a candy store!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Lunch time!
When was the last time you heard those sweet words, I know it's been since grade school for me! Lunch time was the best time a kid could ask for, eating some of mom's pre cooked meals (IE sandwiches for me)made my whole entire day. Food was of udder importance at that age, and now it still is....Lol. Except for the whole drinking thing, food come second to alcohol bitch, for sure!
Tonight was my SECOND shot @ a Lunchbox. Not to fond of those fellas....tried one a few months ago with a close friend and embarrassingly couldn't finish it. So tonight when the question arose, I thought about it....
Maybe I wasn't ready in the previous months, maybe it was just that bad (don't try it again!!).......so many things were running through my subconscious.
Seriously guys/gals.....I will admit I am a virgin @ the ripe age of 25.
I didn't know what to expect, well yeah I knew what was in the drink but for the life of me I couldn't figure out why I despised it so much.
Was it the fact that I couldn't finish the first, so I didn't want to further the embarrasment?
or just the mere idea that maybe they just don't get along with the rest of my body.....
I had to find out!
Curiousity seems to mess with me alot. I am way to curious for my own good, I should really cut that shit out.
It was amazing, I think I will dub it my New Favorite shot! Jen takes over in ranking!! Because no matter what a girl says she's probably always lying.....but Rumplemintz used to be my favorite, all because of you, Thanks for the introduction Patty, but you were lacking tonight!
Jen I have got to hand it to you you have made my 2009 come back a success! I'm reconsidering all past dispositions.
I take back all the negative things about 2009, it will be great.....all because me and my friends are in it!
Tonight was my SECOND shot @ a Lunchbox. Not to fond of those fellas....tried one a few months ago with a close friend and embarrassingly couldn't finish it. So tonight when the question arose, I thought about it....
Maybe I wasn't ready in the previous months, maybe it was just that bad (don't try it again!!).......so many things were running through my subconscious.
Seriously guys/gals.....I will admit I am a virgin @ the ripe age of 25.
I didn't know what to expect, well yeah I knew what was in the drink but for the life of me I couldn't figure out why I despised it so much.
Was it the fact that I couldn't finish the first, so I didn't want to further the embarrasment?
or just the mere idea that maybe they just don't get along with the rest of my body.....
I had to find out!
Curiousity seems to mess with me alot. I am way to curious for my own good, I should really cut that shit out.
It was amazing, I think I will dub it my New Favorite shot! Jen takes over in ranking!! Because no matter what a girl says she's probably always lying.....but Rumplemintz used to be my favorite, all because of you, Thanks for the introduction Patty, but you were lacking tonight!
Jen I have got to hand it to you you have made my 2009 come back a success! I'm reconsidering all past dispositions.
I take back all the negative things about 2009, it will be great.....all because me and my friends are in it!
Book Review!!!
I have raved about this book ever since I finished it. It took me 4 days, not bad considering I am not one to be considered an 'Avid' reader.
Warning: Nothing about this book is clean. It's dirty, dirty, very dirty. Tucker Max is the author along with the main character, who shares his twentysomething adventures before/during/and after college. Disturbing, YES! Yet it is so much fun to read, as long as you don't mind raunchy encounters and probably shouldn't have a sensitive gag reflex. I recommend this book for anyone who is looking for something to spark their interest, as well as Laugh a ton!
Before you buy it visit his website: www.tuckermax.com
Scroll to the bottom and Read The Famous "Sushi Pants" Story I promise you won't be disapointed ;)
Mishaps in Mayhem (12/23/08)
Today has not been a good day, well to think of it neither was yesterday...yuck!
To begin the craziness of the holidays has had my brain all jumbled and apparently someone or something is trying to kill me.
..............................Serious..................................
By no fault of my own, o maybe it was my fault, there is a chunk of my bumper missing....
That damn snow mound had to turn to ice, didn't it?
Long story short the end of my driveway is slowly trying to kill me. Or my poor car for that matter...Ill admit, I teared up a little....
Today was the day of lunch with Gramps...it went well but it was the before that turned out not so well....Here's the story:
I was sitting in my car patiently waiting for people to arrive for lunch when all of a sudden I had this TERRIBLE cramp in my foot. When I say terrible, I fuckin mean Terrible! I quickly took off my right shoe and tried my best to stand on my seat in order to get the cramp to subside...Ah, it worked I was so happy that I didnt have to try and truck myself around in the fucking snow to get it to stop.
That wasnt the worst, but after all I was still overjoyed that my foot was feeling normal again....I set my left hand on my leg (Thank GOD I wasnt wearing my jeans....I had my dress on) and to my suprise there was blood on my leg. WTF? I mean come on I have a very LOW pain tolerance, so where the fuck was the blood coming from....I pull back my hand and look and was shocked to see that my hand was bleeding, BAD!
I have no fuckin idea how it got cut but it did...
and it was gushing dark red blood everywhere, I was sure I was gonna bleed out or something.
I frantically look around for a napkin, kleenex, an old piece of paper, or something to help put pressure on the unforseen wound.
Nothing.
Nothing in the backseat.
Nothing in the glovebox.
Nothing in the middle console.
I freaked...Then a light flickered over my head and I found something!!
Pressure!!!
Took a cat nap later...felt like I lost a ton of BLOOD. Feeling better; I take a ride and spill an entire can of COKE on my seat, UGHHHHHHHHH I wanted to scream.The entire 12 ounces of brown sticky goodness on my seat...Fuck this day im going to bed.
Peace out bitches
To begin the craziness of the holidays has had my brain all jumbled and apparently someone or something is trying to kill me.
..............................Serious..................................
By no fault of my own, o maybe it was my fault, there is a chunk of my bumper missing....
That damn snow mound had to turn to ice, didn't it?
Long story short the end of my driveway is slowly trying to kill me. Or my poor car for that matter...Ill admit, I teared up a little....
Today was the day of lunch with Gramps...it went well but it was the before that turned out not so well....Here's the story:
I was sitting in my car patiently waiting for people to arrive for lunch when all of a sudden I had this TERRIBLE cramp in my foot. When I say terrible, I fuckin mean Terrible! I quickly took off my right shoe and tried my best to stand on my seat in order to get the cramp to subside...Ah, it worked I was so happy that I didnt have to try and truck myself around in the fucking snow to get it to stop.
That wasnt the worst, but after all I was still overjoyed that my foot was feeling normal again....I set my left hand on my leg (Thank GOD I wasnt wearing my jeans....I had my dress on) and to my suprise there was blood on my leg. WTF? I mean come on I have a very LOW pain tolerance, so where the fuck was the blood coming from....I pull back my hand and look and was shocked to see that my hand was bleeding, BAD!
I have no fuckin idea how it got cut but it did...
and it was gushing dark red blood everywhere, I was sure I was gonna bleed out or something.
I frantically look around for a napkin, kleenex, an old piece of paper, or something to help put pressure on the unforseen wound.
Nothing.
Nothing in the backseat.
Nothing in the glovebox.
Nothing in the middle console.
I freaked...Then a light flickered over my head and I found something!!
Pressure!!!
Took a cat nap later...felt like I lost a ton of BLOOD. Feeling better; I take a ride and spill an entire can of COKE on my seat, UGHHHHHHHHH I wanted to scream.The entire 12 ounces of brown sticky goodness on my seat...Fuck this day im going to bed.
Peace out bitches
The Fall of 2008
J-Nap - Me - Hillman - H'and@Bourbon Street J-Nap's 25th
Andrea & I Disgusted @ the Slut-Faced Christmas Party
The Vegas CrewJen - AJ - Teri - The P's - Aunt Kathie - Kaz
Me - Mike - Andrea
Poor Wheelchair lady....I'd tag ya if I knew your name!
Where are we going?
Its been 7 days since 2009 began, and I'm feeling refreshed. Say goodbye to the things that caused me hell in 2008, because it is officially 2009!
Developing a mantra for myself for this year has been tricky. Well actually its the first year that I am preparing to have one.
Well aware that it needs to be my own, created from my ideas, problems and lessons learned in my 25 years.
Live, Laugh, then Love.
So there you have it. Simple to remember, but hard to break down. Trust me I will be reciting this to myself daily, or even multiple times daily, whatever it takes. I deserve it!
Life is too short to focus on the past, and what the future holds I'm unsure. What I do know is that as long as I am living my life, laughing though it and loving last; I will be just fine.
Maybe I was wrong about my outlook for this year, check back in a few months we will see what becomes of the beginning of 2009.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Still Scared
Just a warning. Yes I've been sick, and that guarantees me nap time almost everyday. Lucky for me I have the time or I'd never get healthy.
Today during my nap I had that dream, AgAiN! Some people have heard this story before but here goes.
About a week ago I decided that I wanted to try out the Red Box, and instantly got addicted. So I rented again, I became a movie buff overnight-there was no stopping me. I rented Strangers
Normally Horror movies Do Not affect me in the slightest bit, but this one did. The entire movie prompted 2 dreams exactly alike within a few days. Now I don't know much about dreams, but if someone does and wants to let me know what the diagnosis of my dream is, feel free.
I dreamt me and a friend were the two main characters. To the tee!!
We were scared shit less, and I felt like I was living the movie. Those masked people are something else.
I want to know why I had that dream yet again just an hour or so ago, there is something wrong with me. Overactive imagination or something.
That movie freaks me out, literally.
I don't recommend it, to anyone. Just for the fear factor, by god I watched way worse than this....but there is just something about the killers in this particular one that really gets me.
An incredibly thrilling imagination is what I have, turn if off. Please?
Today during my nap I had that dream, AgAiN! Some people have heard this story before but here goes.
About a week ago I decided that I wanted to try out the Red Box, and instantly got addicted. So I rented again, I became a movie buff overnight-there was no stopping me. I rented Strangers
Normally Horror movies Do Not affect me in the slightest bit, but this one did. The entire movie prompted 2 dreams exactly alike within a few days. Now I don't know much about dreams, but if someone does and wants to let me know what the diagnosis of my dream is, feel free.
I dreamt me and a friend were the two main characters. To the tee!!
We were scared shit less, and I felt like I was living the movie. Those masked people are something else.
I want to know why I had that dream yet again just an hour or so ago, there is something wrong with me. Overactive imagination or something.
That movie freaks me out, literally.
I don't recommend it, to anyone. Just for the fear factor, by god I watched way worse than this....but there is just something about the killers in this particular one that really gets me.
An incredibly thrilling imagination is what I have, turn if off. Please?
How to deal
If being sick day 1 of the new year has anything to say about the next 300 and some days, Im in trouble. Day 6 and I still have the pounding pressure in my head and the slightly stuffy nose. Im terrified to see how the rest of the year is going to go, ugh.
Through the crazyness of this cold/flu/something that is slowly killing me....I did have time to pick a resolution that I will work really hard at keeping. I quit smoking. Yup, I did it and its been exactly 130 hours and 35 minutes. Pretty great feat for me. Just one this year, keeping it simple in order to keep true to it, I fail miserably almost every year.
Im going though something right now, a state of confusion and nothing seems to clear the haze. Each day brings more confusion and I am fearing that I am making it that way.....
Nothing seems to be going, just right; It's all flying around hopelessly around my head driving me insane. Once and a while I will get the feeling that something is just right, and Im finally on the right path. In that same moment everything stops and it seems so wrong.
Someday I'll understand everything, someday when i have children....Im sure of it.
Through the crazyness of this cold/flu/something that is slowly killing me....I did have time to pick a resolution that I will work really hard at keeping. I quit smoking. Yup, I did it and its been exactly 130 hours and 35 minutes. Pretty great feat for me. Just one this year, keeping it simple in order to keep true to it, I fail miserably almost every year.
Im going though something right now, a state of confusion and nothing seems to clear the haze. Each day brings more confusion and I am fearing that I am making it that way.....
Nothing seems to be going, just right; It's all flying around hopelessly around my head driving me insane. Once and a while I will get the feeling that something is just right, and Im finally on the right path. In that same moment everything stops and it seems so wrong.
Someday I'll understand everything, someday when i have children....Im sure of it.
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